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Monday, December 1, 2014

Key To Happiness

By: Jax

This is my first time to narrate a story of mine. I am not a writer, so please bear with my flaws. As the other authors describe themselves, so I too shall describe or introduce myself. I am Jax, 22 years old, a politician (yes, I am), 5’11”, slim, fair skinned, bisexual and from one of the provinces here in the northern part of the Philippines.

So much with the introduction, here’s the story ad I hope you guys like it. But if not, it is okay. Comments, criticisms and /or suggestions are welcome.
Note: names are the only one changed.

It all started with “hi and hello.” Although we may be neighbors and childhood playmates, I consider this that it all started with the typical hi and hello.

His father was my official driver when I was still in college. One night, I have to watch a pageant wherein one of my block mates was a contestant. Mom and dad did contact Kuya Boy to drive for me and he then asked what time will we go and told me that he’ll bring his son Travis with us and I said yes. In my mind, this is now the chance to know him better since Kuya Boy always tells stories about him to which I get curious about his only son.

Upon arrival at the venue, Kuya Boy told me that my parents instructed him that Travis will accompany me. While the show was on going, we only talk to each other if I ask him if he is bored or what he wants to eat. But most of the time, we were not talking since we are not that close and the first time to be with each other’s company.

The show was over and there where I confirmed to myself that “yes, I have a crush on him.” As they say, it only takes a minute to have a crush on someone.

Months passed when I knew that they are already residing in Laguna. Admittedly, I got sad since I know that i will not have any chance to be with him.
By the power of the internet – social media, he added me on facebook and no second thoughts, I accepted his friend request. Minutes after accepting his request, he messaged me – the typical getting to know stage and I got surprised when he gave his contact number and told me to just text him since he is not that facebook addict. I saved his number and texted him after stalking his account. While I was stalking his profile, there where I got a mini heart ache since he has a girlfriend and I told myself “Jax, you have no chance.”

The following day, I texted Travis where we elevated our getting to know stage. Unexpectedly, he asked me how my love life is and I just replied that I’m not in a relationship since 4th year high school. I didn’t bother to ask him how’s his love life is since it is evident in his account that he is happy with his girl. While we were exchanging messages, I’m contemplating whether or not to tell him how I feel towards him. But at the end of the day, I told him that I have a crush on him and he just told me that I can have a crush on him but he cannot compensate what I feel towards him and that friendship is the only thing he can give to me. It maybe heartbreaking yet I already knew what he will reply because after all, Travis is still a straight guy.

I knew that he might not text me anymore because of what I told him about my feelings towards him. I waited for his message the whole day but there was none. Days, weeks, months, one year, still no message from him and I regret telling him that I have a crush on him.

August of last year when he messaged me on facebook. That moment, I was so happy that I jumped in to glee and felt like 16 y/o again. There where he explained why he not contacted me – it was because he and her girlfriend separated. I’m a bit sad on what happened on his relationship but also a bit happy hoping to have a chance with him. For that one year, he decided not to log in on facebook and not to have a cellphone for him to move on.

From that moment, up to September we had a constant communication and honestly I got used to it. Good morning/night, eat your breakfast/lunch/dinner, and all other typical messages. Some serious, stupid topics. The calls from him up to 2am. This period, I asked him if there is any chance that he can be my boyfriend. And he answered on the affirmative with the proviso that he will still have to contemplate about it and I will wait for that day.

He says I love you to me and acted as if he is my boyfriend but whenever I ask him what is the real score between us, his answer is always “friends, more than friends but not in a relationship.” Honestly, his words brakes me but still I am thankful for what we have and still hoping to be in a relationship.

“Good things never last.” Never did I imagine that the sweet conversations with him will end. From October to second week of December last year, we had no conversation. I never fail to text and call him every day of October but he never reply nor receive my calls. It was heartbreaking for me but I tried to be strong.

When I got used of the situation of no message or call from him, it was the time when he called me asked if will be available on the Christmas break for his sister’s debut. Because I want to see him, I said yes without looking at my schedule. There again, we had communication. I am happy since he is the one who gave the invitation. And I got more in love with him when I saw him. The qualities of a guy is with him, shorter than me, gym fit, bubble butt, chinito, and has a braces.

On the day of the event, while I was preparing I told him that I am a bit hesitant to attend since I don’t know who the other invitees are but he assured me that he will accompany me the whole event and that I don’t have to worry. He called me that I need to prepare a short message since it is a must for us 18 treasures and instructed me that I have to notify him when I arrived already so he can wait me at the lobby, so I obliged. But to my dismay, he told me that I will just enter the hall since he went out to get some stuff in his maternal family home needed for the event, again, I obliged. What made me mad is the fact that he did not go to his maternal family home but he is busy entertaining one gay – guy (bisexual) and I just passed them and smiled sarcastically but deep inside me, I am breaking into pieces. I am not in the mood anymore to attend all I want that time is go home and join my tito’s birthday party. To exercise professionalism, I stay calm and didn’t show the others that I am that devastated. He apologized through text and didn’t bother to come and talk to me personally. As the party has not yet started, I went out of the hall to calm down. I don’t know if he was watching over me or someone told him that I went out because he called me and asked where I am. I told him I’m on a friend’s house near the venue and call me when the party has started, where in fact I was on the car just to calm down.

I didn’t know that the event is the debut of his sister and also his birthday party. I am a part of the 18 treasures and also with the one he was with earlier. Brix is his name basing on the invitation, he gave his message before me and I got curious why he calls the debutante “kapatid.” It was my turn, I altered impromptu the speech I made since both of them (Travis and his sister) are in the stage. It is an instruction that after delivery of the message/greetings, photo ops with the two. I only have one gift on hand and it is for the debutante, and while on the stage with them he asked for his gift and I pretend that I didn’t hear anything from him.

Few minutes after my part, I observed him while we were exchanging messages. He and Brix are having some conversation through sign language. It made me jealous. I cannot take what was happening anymore so I decided to go home. He went down the stage and accompanied me to his mother and bid good bye. His mom doesn’t want me to go home that early but good thing I had an excuse – the birthday party of my tito. He was with me until the parking area, he was talking to me but I never responded as a sign of the pain I’m feeling that time. I arrived home that I didn’t notify him. I don’t want to bother him on his birthday party.

While I was getting ready to sleep, he called me and said sorry for what happened on the party. Travis told me that he want to catch up the following day so we agreed to meet up on the afternoon. Truly, he compensated and even exceeded what I was expecting. I surprised him when we went to the mall and told him that he will choose what he wants and that will be my birthday gift to him. After buying, he asked me if I can teach him how to drive and I did teach him. Yes, Kuya Boy was the one who taught me how to drive; now, I am now the one teaching his son how to drive. While he was driving, I took photos of him and sent it to Kuya Boy (he is now in abroad) and he was happy and even told me “pag tyagaan mong turuan yan, gaya ng pagtityag ko noon sayo. Salamat. It is good to see that you two are now close.” When about sunset, he asked me to drive to the beach. There, he told me that we had to have a picture together since we didn’t have one last night. I remembered that he promised me that we will have a picture on the debut of Trish, his sister. Surprisingly, he held my hand while watching the sunset. Truly, there is a rainbow after the storm.

I understand that again, we didn’t have any communication after the debut and catching up moments since both of us are back to being students and it is midterms season, so we are both busy. But I didn’t expect is that he again never had the courage to text or call me until February 13, 2014.

Trish, out of the blue texted and explained to me why Brix calls her “kapatid.” There I knew that Travis and Brix had been in a relationship way back 2009. And that gave me more hope to be in a relationship with Travis.

February 14, Valentine’s Day, I know that I will be bitter since I have no date and I will only get jealous for the ones who have dates. At 7 in the morning and I was still sleeping my phone rang and I didn’t notice who was the caller. The person on the other line confidently speaking “Good morning, boss! Happy Valentine’s Day. Will you be my date?” I answered “sure, boss. Date through skype?” he laughed hardly and answered “I’m just near you, get off the bed and let’s meet at 10am and I have something important to tell you. Bye, see you later, boss!” I prepared and I hoped that this will now be the time he will say yes. We went out for lunch and asked where will be going after and told me I will watch him practice for the motocross race the following day. Yes, he is a motocross rider. While we were having lunch, I asked him what is the important thing that he will tell, and he just smiled and squeezed my nose. After having lunch, we headed to the racetrack for his practice and since my class is at night, I grabbed the chance to read my lessons for the graded recitation but I cannot concentrate because of that important thing. The day passed and he never told me what that important thing is. I keep on calling and texting him but again, no response from him. Again, expect the unexpected. My February 14 was bitter sweet, anyway.

After my final exams, I decided to conduct my own motocross race and dad is in support of it and funded it. Well, basically it is for my benefit for the upcoming 2016 elections and more importantly, this event was for him. I was hands-on on the preparation of this event because I want to prove myself to him. While the motocross was fast approaching, Travis volunteered to accompany me to do some of the works to be done after all he is the one who has knowledge about this and also time for us to bond again. Afternoons, we had road trips where people make issues about us that we are in a relationship. I told him about the issues coming out and he answered “just don’t mind them, let them say whatever they want to say. Who are they to preclude us from doing these things, they are just jealous.” We may not be in a relationship but the way he addressed the issues gave me security to act normal in public when I am with him.

For the last minute preparations, I didn’t bother Travis since there are many motocross races he has to attend. For the last things to be bought I asked the help of some friends who has background about motocross to accompany me but Travis did volunteer to accompany me so I cancelled the scheduled activity with my friends and went with him. Unfortunately, Travis had another purpose why he volunteered to accompany me. Actually, he did not accompany me to the supposed to be activity. He went to another friend to visit the racetrack where he will compete the following day. In the end, I was the only one who bought the thing to be needed and as a consequence, I carried all of those by myself. He keeps on telling sorry to me but I don’t have the guts to reply him. He calls me but I reject his calls.

Scheduled motocross race came, I tried to be civil with him so as not to be obvious with our friends and his relatives that we I had a hard feeling towards him. And it went well.

My birthday came and all who helped me in preparation for my motocross race were invited, some riders, relatives, friends and neighbors were present. His sisters, mom, grandmother were present but he was not around. I tried to be happy because it was my day but deep within me, I am sad since he was not around and no greetings from him. Dinner time (2nd wave of the party) came, he was present and his presence brought happiness in me. Save the best for last, as they say.

After my birthday, I told myself that from that day, I will detach myself from him but I failed. After those dramas, we had the chance to talk to each other sincerely and cleared things. Yes, we didn’t have a chance to be in a relationship but we decided to keep what we have – more than friends but not as lovers.

The rest of the summer vacation went well. We had the chance to go out without having any hesitations. I had the chance to stay in their house all day long and to get to know more about his sisters and his mom. Yes, I am welcome to his family and I consider them as my second family.

And a day before they will go back to Laguna and before I start my post graduate studies, we spent the whole day roaming around the province. Went to random places, foods all day long and when it is time for him to step down the car, I unexpectedly received a kiss on the lip from him which brought me tears while I was driving home.

With all of these, I realized that I am lucky having him and I that I didn’t notice that fact since I am focused on achieving the status of being in a relationship with him. That I am too selfish to force him to be in a relationship with him where in fact that status or label is not needed since we are in love with each other.

Contentment and acceptance is the key to happiness.

43 comments:

  1. May I suggest to the moderator to create a separate category for these kind of stories. These should be called "Non-Sexual"... or whatever you guys can think of to better describe these stories. To label it young awakening may seem a misnomer since after all , this is kwentong malilibog right? meaning... you'd be expecting some explicit stories... see, if a reader would want to read something wholesome, lovey-dovey or MMK-ish stories... why would you look for that here in Kwentong Malilibog right? Though I am open to the idea that maybe some selections here aren't explicit in itself, but I think these must be properly labeled. I don't know, just my opinion. Now grammar nazis and rightists... don't be hatin' now.. hehehe

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agree ako sayo, dapat lagyan ng label kung non Sexual ang story or not. Tsaka pano ppa ma justify ang name ng website kung love story naa lang mababasa mo?

      Delete
  2. Almost same experience dude. Alam ba ng tatay mo na ganyan ka? Kagaya mo being part of a political family is hard but being like this makes it harder... lalo na they are considering us to replace them. Hayss

    JM

    ReplyDelete
  3. almost same situation here author and jm

    ReplyDelete
  4. at may oras pa kayo mag gaganto?! ayusin nyo ung tax ng bansa! :p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha.... Natawa ako...tax tlga ah...gusto q yan.cge push natin yang tax n yan

      Delete
  5. Oo naman teh! tao rin naman kami kagaya mo marunong din naman kmi malibugan. Teh politiko kami hindi kami diyos na pwede baguhin at ayusin lahat in one blink... kung makapagsalita ka naman akala mo madali buhay namin ah. Magpolitiko ka muna saka magsalita ng ganyan, ewan ko lang kung hindi ka lumubog sa kinalalagyan mo.

    Again tao rin kami ha na pwedeng maghanap ng outlet kagaya nito. Siguro naman teh may trabaho ka din at busy ka din but still you still manage to find time na magbasa ng KM. Ganun din kami. Yun lang naman!

    JM

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think you're more focus on your being professional...
    Your story was nice but you did not met the expectations of the readers...

    But its just my Idea ...
    Please don't be bother
    Good job...

    ReplyDelete
  7. yung feeling ng may inaantay ka na something sa story... hindi naman sex part yung hinahanap ko.
    haha basta may something... siguro yung love.. para kasing ung writer lang ang inlove... nakulangan lang ako.. parang yung kwento is nasa introduction palng wala pa sa climax.. un lang naman po ang sakin lamang,, bye XD

    ReplyDelete
  8. the feeling is not mutual...the writer prefers not to accept the fact that he is just being used by the guy and got blinded to assume that there was really mutual love...sad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's my understanding of the story, as well. Btw, medyo sumakit ulo ko sa pag-intindi sa story. Medyo nakakalito ang pagkakakwento. And worse, sad nga nung take ko sa ending. Parang one-sided love. Haay. Paasa si kumag.haha

      Delete
  9. it was a roller coaster ride, and i really got tired just by reading it,,, what more, if it was my own experience!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sa akin?? Ahhh..

    Ok lang.. Good 8/10 hehehhee sensya...
    Nag expect kc ako ng story na detalyado tlga..

    Pero ok lang... Ganyan tlga pagpolitiko.. kailangan tlga maging Professional..


    -NavySeaman

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Salamat... yun lang naman gusto namin yung may makakaintindi sa sitwasyon namin.

      Sorry parang ako na tuloy yung author.hahaha

      JM

      Delete
  11. boo, it's a relief finishing your story. All I can read is frustrations and more of it. Rough and heavy. Obviously, this is a ONE WAY LOVE. you are so blinded by the idea of him in love with you and clearly its not mutual. Seems like he love to play 'GAMES' as much as the next motorcross driver and you're his favorite game. kindly balance the use of your brain and heart. I'm no one to judge but you seem to be lacking SELF LOVE moreover for you to actually give love to someone is depressing as f***. This is so tragic. Boo, "his a nightmare dressed like a daydream".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and your title sucks, there I said it. so sorry...

      Delete
  12. Respect nalang guys... lahat nman tayo nahihirapan sa sitwasyon naten... maswerte yung iba kung open at may mga kaibigan na mapapagsabihan... sa case ni authot at ni JM wala silang makausap sa gantong aspeto kaya KM ang nagiging outlet nila to share... intindihin na lang naten at igalang fellow KM readers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Salamat sa respeto at pang unawa... guys alam nyo ba yung feeling na kahit galit na galit ka na o kaya naman gusto mo maging extra sweet sa taong gusto mo eh hindi mo magawa kasi may kaakibat na consequence lahat ng aksyon mo.

      Yung gusto mo yakapin or kahit akbayan lang yung tao mahal mo literal na di mo magagawa kasi madami nakatingin sayo.

      Hindi lahat ng tao maiintidihan kalagayan ko... pero sa sitwasyon namin ni author kelangan namin pakibagayan halos lahat ng tao sa paligid namin kasi expected sa min yun kasi public figures kami.

      Hindi din kmi mkapagkwento basta basta kahit close pa namin kasi hindi namin alam baka bukas kami na balita sa buong bayan.

      Kaya minsan naiinggit ako sa mga tao dito... they are free to do and say whatever they want.

      Kay author, teh one way nga lang ata yun relationship nyo. Di kaya user friendly or tripper lang si kuya? Try to protect and love yourself more tandaan mo ikaw din talo sa huli. Mabuti na yung magtira ka pa din konti respeto sa sarili mo. Hope mameet kita... para naman may kataguan na ko ng mga sikreto ko.hahaha dont worry very discreet naman ako. Manly looking ba.hehehe

      Sa iba... sana maging friends ko din mga tao dito. Salamat and magpost pa kayo stories....

      JM

      Delete
    2. JM... I understand how you feel you don't have a choice but to be in the closet all of the time cause of the nature of your career and being considerate of your family name's reputation. I understand your fears at a certain extent cause by now all of us should know that fear keeps us from everything happy and so as our pride. Personally, I don't like people who's untrue of oneself, It sucks and it will give you a lot of stress and worries. The philosophy "the truth will set you free" is penned for a reason. I respect the way you live though, after all it's your life and your choice but if you reach the peak of misery, you can consider re-evaluating your choices and maybe live a more fearless life.

      Delete
    3. Thanks! I know naman na hindi to pwede maglast lifetime. There will come a time that i have to face reality and be free... pero sa ngayon ire-ready ko na lang muna lahat pati na sarili ko para sa pagdating ng araw na yon.

      Misery is an understatement believe me pero wala pa ko sa punto na pwede na. Still waiting for the right timing to be open.

      Salamat... sa lahat ng nakabatuhan ko ng kuro kuro... i am still thinking kung paano ko kayo makocontact personally.hehehe syempre bawal magbigay ng number. Pano ko kaya kayo makakausap? Si author din sana makapag usap tayo soon.

      JM

      Delete
    4. hoping to be soon...better live a short life, happy and fulfilled than live a long miserable one

      Delete
    5. Totoo din yun... may mga bagay na gusto mo pero di pa pwede gawin sa ngayon so you are left with a choice na maghintay ng tamang panahon. I am not choosing to be miserable forever.... im just exhausting all my patience for the meantime until the day na masasabi ko na pwede na at tapos na pagtatago.

      JM

      Delete
    6. Ngayon lang uli ako nakabisita sa KM.. thanks JM at sa iba na sumang-ayon sa post ko... given na may kanya-kanya tayong kalibugan sa katawan pero naniniwala pa rin ako na marami pa rin na nde un laman sa bandang gitna ang pinaiiral kundi puso at isipan... -lan

      Delete
    7. Kwentong kalibugan yo girl hindi diary kya dapat may kallibugan pa din. Emotera.

      Delete
  13. Sino po yung nasa pic na guy sobrang hot haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Admin could please tell us the name of the guy in the pic? Tnx admin

      Delete
    2. Ano last name ng nasa pic? Bernard what?

      Delete
  14. Hi, JM! Thank you for speaking on my behalf. We share the same misery so I know you know how I feel. Hahaha :)

    Foolish na kung foolish. Pero minahal ko siya e - napa OA lang sa pagmamahal. Hahaha. To the point na, kaligayahan na lang niya ang iniisip ko. Wala na ang "self-love". But, Im okay now. At least, i learned a lot from this chapter of my life (landi lfe. Hahaha!)

    Well, thank you for reading and your comments. Happy holidays, everyone! :) god bless.

    -author

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nice Story.... There are things in this world to matter How much u like ...u still end up asking is this right is this possible?? is there true love for same sex?? hahay.... :(

    Hello There JM!!!
    like ure comment hehe and also nice story author..

    LEHN93

    ReplyDelete
  16. napaka unprofessional ni jm. freakshow. hypocrite. desperation at its finest. kadiri kang bakla ka. mahuli ka sana ng tatay mo. putang ina mo. hindot!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anong satisfaction nakukuha mo dyan? Baklang to laki ng galit sa mundo! Wag ka mag drugs nakakasira ng buhay yan. Bwiset.

      Delete
  17. Kung yan ang opinyon mo i will respect that. See guys... even if kagaya na natin still sila isa pa sila sa unang nghuhusga. Freakshow? Desperation? Alin dun? Guys alam na lang nila ang pangalan ko pero hindi ang buong kwento ng buhay ko.

    Panang ang lalim ng galit ah... kilala mo ba ko?hehehe peace tayo ateh.. since xmas naman i wish na mawala na sana lahat ng sama ng loob at negativity sa puso't isip mo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Btw JM nga pla ulet. =)

      Delete
    2. Thanks, at least you let me be... regardless of us being hidden in a dark room. Remember we chose to be like this hindi lang dahil sa gusto namin... if ako lang alone na wala akong alalahaning ibang tao then siguro mas una pa ko sa inyo lumantad... kaso i have my family, family's career to consider. Madali sabihin ng ibang tao na magpakatotoo at wag magtago kasi wala sila sa aktuwal na sitwasyon namin. Ako im definitely ok na majudge at masira in case... pero kung sakali kasi madadamay buo pamilya ko... yun ang di ko kaya... being in this profession is far different from an office or regular work. Dito hanggat may makikita sila na ikabubutas mo... di ka nila lulubayan until gumapang ka na... damay damay buo pamilya. Drama of politics...

      Okay lang na siraan ako.... basta kung masisiguro nyo na di madadamay pamilya ko then sige in a blink lalantad ako. Basta ako lang ang mada- damage then im ok with it.

      JM

      Delete
    3. Hmmmm.

      Tough choice to make: Being happy or being right.

      But 30 or 40 years from now, I wonder if it will all seem as tough as that.

      The answer ... to now and then ... is up to those concerned to arrive at.

      As the Infinite is silent, so must I be.

      - David

      Delete
  18. Nyeta kung gusto maging closet queen wag na pakielaman. Wala kayo sa position ng taong yun. Kung lantad ka na eh di maging masaya ka na sa sarili mo. Wag yung eepal pa sa mga closeted kapatid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for understanding teh! =)

      JM

      Delete
  19. I like the story, pure romance. Never mind the grammatical errors, as you have said earier that you're not used to be a writer, right? Keep up the good work. It may be not be a story to be turned on but a story to be inlove. :) <3

    ReplyDelete
  20. just be your self, bec. in the end it's your life nieghter Jm nor anyonelse. though others says you're not free then they're wrong. you chose to be like that cuz you're free to choose. just live your life the way you thought it should be..hehehe

    ReplyDelete

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