By: Mark Christopher
Maybe love is not as confusing as people describe it. Maybe love is just as plain as it sounds. Our hearts, they need a mirror. We see our better selves in the eyes of those who loves us. And there is beauty that brevity alone provides. Mark Christopher, yan ang pangalan na binigay sakin. Minsan Mako, minsan Chris, minsan Tupe, at iba pang tawag sakin. Pero iba pala talaga kapag gusto mo yung taong tumatawag sa'yo. Ako si Mark Christopher, 18 years old, 19 na sa October. 3rd year college student na sa pasukan, staying at Quezon City. Most of my life spent at Bulacan where I took my previous studies until I decided to be independent. I lived among my 3 siblings, pangatlo ako. Laki sa lolo at lola, kaya old-souled and a gentleman. (No boasting intended). Most people i knew (girls) tend to cling to me because of how i manage to stand by myself, and siguro kase narin sa kaaya aya kong itsura at personality. 5'7" ang stance, model type ang body, may chest pero toned lang ang braso and firm legs kase i jog every morning, mataas ang nosebridge at tisoy dahil sa American trace sa family tree. Minsan i envy pure filipinos kase though i am sporty and love beaches, namumula lang balat ko and i can't maintain tan. Type ko kasi tanned, kase diba what i can't achieve is something i'm easily attracted to. I'm well furnished with proper etiquettes since childhood. And though i never experienced other people's burdens, i learned to respect them, neutral lang and distant, not insensitive pero not empathetic. I'm not friendly but when i happen to like people, it's not because of how rich they are, how they dress themselves up, how good looking they are, but how they act towards circumstances. I like a scarred face that has gone through a battle than a hideous pretty face (no stereotyping intended). Sa school na pinapasukan ko, mahirap makahanap ng sincere na tao dahil nga sa panahon ngayon uso ang social climbing sa social media (which i don't fancy, i don't have fb or twitter, etc.), pretentious beings roaming around can cling to you easily if you are a fool. I'm not one. If there's one thing that sets me apart from other rich kids is that i never felt belonged to the lifestyle everyone wants. My parents work abroad and manage a local business at Laguna, and has given us everything we desired but most of us grew tired of that way. Siguro nga hindi pwede magbunga ang puno ng mangga ng santol pero hindi pare pareho and lasa ng mangga sa puno. Kaming magkakapatid,
we desired simple means of living. Though our parents bought us every possible bling one can have. So i followed my older brother's footsteps. When i graduated highschool nagsarili ako. Masarap maging independent, walang kumokontrol sa'yo at pwede mong magawa mga gusto mo ng hindi mo pinag-iisipan. Though may allowance akong natatanggap sa parents ko, i barely use it. I learned how to be thrifty. And from my gadgets sold, I acquired a small business. Dito sa Q.C., nag bed spacer ako, apartment, lahat yata. At sa lahat nanakawan ako. So i decided to live alone. Which I prefer, may kamahalan pero ok lang. I like to keep myself accompanied by the books from my studies and my collection of books since childhood. Mahilig ako magbasa, first editions and hardbounds. Yung tipong die hard fan ako ng author. Hindi ng mainstream actors and performers, and musicians though i must take Hozier Byrne and Sia an exception. Sa school, I'm not friendly, i barely talk to people aside from school matters. I keep myself distant and i hardly notice if people tries to call me because i don't take "Hoy" or "kuya" or anything to be acknowledged by other people. They find me snob. But i say i'm just stupid-proof? Especially when those i observed to be talkative and papansin were the ones who try to talk to me. I excel at class and learn in a hard way not seeking my classmates' help or assistance, asking my instructor if i can work alone at a group project and anything that may keep them off like reading in my spare times at the hallway or inside the classroom where i can rarely find peace. But all that changed when i met "Kuya" Baldo or Valentino sa totoong pangalan. He's an irregular student. Med student siya and i haven't persuaded my teacher para makapagsarili ako sa group report, kaya sabi nung teacher ko if kahit partner lang. That day, first sem ng 2nd year, july 15, 2015, i was forced to be in a group with maybe a talkative person, or yung walang alam, or hindi makakatulong, i was hopeless. And then when i decided to seek a partner, everyone seemed to be on a group already, so from the middle row, where i sat, sabi ko na narinig ng lahat na wala na kong makakagrupo kaya ako na lang mag-isa. No one cared, and i don't care if they don't since i push them away anyway at wala naman akong pake sa iniisip ng ibang tao. Next meeting reporting na. Since mag-isa ako, ako unang magrereport. Before i started, may isang guy, si kuya Baldo, which was absent last week, is asking our instructor if he can make a special report. Alam kong irreg siya kase iba uniform niya sa uniform namin. Then in my surprise, sabi ni ma'am samahan daw niya ako magreport. I began to protest, sabi ko i'm concerned with my performance and my grade, i can't have a burden. At dahil mahirap kumbinsihin si ma'am, kami pa din ni kuya Val nagreport. I thought he'll be a burden. Pero he was as calm as i am when it comes to reporting, very intelligent, kahit na hindi siya notified he is beyond prepared. He has a lot of stocked knowledge regarding our report, which is about integumentary system. Nung natapos kami, we got a hundred percent. Nahiya ako sa kanya. After all, narealize ko he's a med student.
After some hours. Pauwi na ako galing sa isa kong subject. Nagcocommute lang ako. My driving skills do not suit metro manila. Sa Bulacan at sa Laguna where i can feel safe driving cannot be compared here at Quezon City where traffic laws are barely abided. Nung nagpara ako ng city bus, inaasahan kong siksikan, kase palagi naman. Pero may mga bakanteng upuan. 9th, 10th, row, nalampasan ko, then 11th walang katabi sa tatluhan na upuan si kuya Val, whom i didn't noticed, hindi ako tumatabi sa mga nakaupo sa bus hangga't may upuan na pwede akong walang katabi, lahat naman tayo diba? So i skipped 11th row, 12th, 13th, ayun, may dalawahan na ok. So i settled down. After ako masingil ng konduktor, naglabas na ko ng libro para magbasa, that time, Thrones of Desire binabasa ko. Erotic novel, hehe. Then biglang may tumabi sakin, kumunot noo ko pero di ako lumingon, nainis ako kase may iba pa namang upuan. Then napansin ko yung uniform, med student to, sabi ko. Kase white and pants and shoes.
"Ang sungit mo kanina ah", sabi nung tumabi sakin. (akala ko may kausap sa phone kase nakataas isang braso)
"uy, *tapik sa braso ko* sungit talaga neto"
Nagulat naman ako si kuya Val pala yung tumabi sakin. I was speechless, malapit siya sakin, i can see his freckled face, typical med student face, maputi tapos may konting freckles. And his shaven mustache and beard which is growing. I hate it when i fall into my observations. Soon as i put myself together, ang nasabi ko lang is "yeah" with a hesitant tone.
"san baba mo?" tanong ni kuya Val which i found odd and annoying, feeling close.
"oh, kinda stupid for me to ask, i suppose you're really a snob." sabi niya ulit. Gulat naman ako, it's not everyday someone approach me and *approached me in english which i find easier to be articulate with*
Me: *lumingon na ko sa kanya at isinara yung book* sorry but you should save yourself from agony of being ignored. I'm not a very interesting person. None has talked to me for a good 3 semesters, you'd find yourself better talking to a wall than to me.
Kuya Val: you underestimated me earlier. *his stamement made me twitch* ..I can see that you are not a very talkative person and had dedicated yourself to your studies, but believe me, being a snob don't make you better than them.. Our classmates, i mean. You're a fine student. But don't carry the chip on your shoulders often.
Me: i'm sorry? I don't carry a chip on my shoulder, that applies to a leader, someone with subordinates, i don't have one.
Him: you had me. Earlier, i mean.
Translate ko na lang usapan namin.
Me: ayoko lang talaga ng ka-group
Siya: minsan hindi maiiwasan yun, tsaka nakabuti naman.
Ako: i don't think so, siguro sa'yo, kase wala ka nung nagbigay si ma'am ng report.
Siya: kanina sabi mo hindi ako magkakainteres sa pagkatao mo, parang interesado ako sa binabasa mo. Hahaha
Ako: *namutla bigla, hindi ko namalayan clutched pa din pala sa kamay ko yung book* i'm trying to undestand the author's perspective.
Siya: erotic yan diba? Nabasa ko sa internet, tapos maraming memes sa 9 gag.
Ako: ugh, millenials.
Siya: sorry? Haha 22 years old na ko.
Hindi ako makapaniwala nun, tapos ngumiti na lang siya. He has a remarkable set of teeth, and his jaw, stubborn when he smiles. I never thought i'd have a convesation to anyone at my school, then, there he is, someone who penetrated the wall i built to get rid off people. Nung araw na yun na pauwi ako, lumampas kami sa bababaan namin, little did i know na sa pareho pala kami ng babaan, he confessed na nakita niya akong naglalakad near his flat. Kaya when he saw me at school gusto niya ako kausapin kasi nakakatawa suot ko daw nun. Pink and black na jogging pants. Tapos white t-shirt lang. Tapos pagbalik ko daw nun kumakain ako ng ice cream. Natawa nalang din ako. Since that day siya na lagi kong kagrupo or kapartner. Though hindi ako masyadong nakikipag-usap sa kanya pag may teacher or nasa school, we considered each other as friends. Sembreak. November 2015. Wala akong balak umuwi ng Bulacan. I gorged myself with every book i can read. Then biglang may nagtext sakin. "Tawag ka" from kuya Val. Dahil hindi ako nagsskip ng letter sa text at bihira ako magtext kase hindi ako sanay, tumawag ako.
Him: would you like to come over? It's just that i desperately seek good company.
Me: you mean to tell me na you're with people who are not good enough? I'm no better than them.
Though medyo magaan na loob namin sa isa't isa, i still don't cling too much and i don't give him something to cling on.
Him: actually, wala sila lahat dito.
Me: You're lying, i heard something, i doubt you made that noise.
Him: eh, almost lahat sila wala, may tatlo lang dito.
Me: fetch me at 7 11.
Then i hung up. I brought with me the book i was reading and got up and supposedly went to 7 11. In my surprise, he's at the gate near where i live, then i realized he lives two houses away from my apartment. Sa iba lang pala siya dumadaan, hindi ko naman narealize kase hindi naman ako lumalabas ng bahay except when eating or going to school or running an errand. So, ayun pumunta ako sa bahay kung san siya nagbebed space, yung isa niyang kasama sa kwarto andun. Umiinom sila.
"hi" sabi nung kasama niya. He was a dream guy, a fine set of teeth with his smile, a tanned skin. Freckled, too. Toned, or kind of built or medyo buffed. Then i realized he stood up to shake hands, it was overwhelming how he towered over me and kuya Val. Then i shook his hand, firmly, i almost melted. "Joseph", he offered his name, i just said "hello" nervously.
Then turned to kuya Val, which seemed entertained.
Me: you know i am mid-reading the moment you called me. I'd be upset if my presence is of no great requirement.
Kuya Val: OA, samahan mo kami uminom, apat na araw ka nang hindi lumalabas sa bahay mo, akala namin natuyo ka na.
Me: hindi ako lumalabas kase busy ako magbasa.
Kuya Val: kumakain ka pa ba?
Me: hello, good for two weeks grocery ko.
Joseph: naks, yayamanin.
Kuya Val: bhie, bili pa tayo mamaya ng isang case.
Sa utak ko.. I was like whaaaaaaat??? Mag-on 'tong dalawa??? Why would kuya Val want me here if sila ne'tong kainuman niya?
Me: i don't drink.
Kuya Val: ok, then just stay, para may iba naman kaming kasama. Hindi ka na nagjojogging?
me: oh, nagjojog pa din, stationary, inside the house.
After an hour or two, my back went limp, sa sahig lang kase ng kwarto nila kami nakaupo, tapos masikip pa sa dalawang pinagkasyang double decker army bed. So, with full courage,
Me: ok lang umuwi? Or dun na kayo sa bahay uminom? Makapagluto din ng meryenda?
Ok naman yung dalawa so we prepared everything to be carried and left their room.
Nung nasa bahay ko na kami, i dropped the book and cooked a tasty tuna casserole. Which they both like, another hour passed,nag-iinuman pa din sila and ako naman focused sa pagbabasa. Sometimes they require my attention, tumatawa na lang ako. Then pinilit nila ako uminom. Si kuya Val matitiis ko kase kilala ko siya at medyo close na kami. Pero Joseph persuaded me, making faces and stuffs that made me laugh, and sworn that if i did not take a shot, he'll kiss me. He teased. So, i did took the shot. And another one after, and another one after. Nung natipsy ako. Dun ko ulit naobserve yung tumutubong bigote ni kuya val, yung mukha niya, his smile, it's like he's too good to be true. And then there's Joseph, he's adorable, no doubt. I watched his muscles flex as he reach for another bottle, his eyebrows, his lips. Then kay kuya Val ulit, they're both so pretty. Then, i was reading again, that time i no longer absorb the words, i often turn my eyes to both of them who seem to enjoy. Then pumunta ako sa lababo para maghugas ng mukha, pagbalik ko, naghahalikan na yung dalawa. Sa sobrang gulat ko, nawala tama ko. I shivered, not from the dampness of my face but from the shock i felt, as if fire runs through my veins. The electrocuting scene i can watch like it has come out from a book. Then i preceeded towards my seat, doing my best not minding them, after all, they're on right? And then they noticed me, holding my book in my lap, focused to every page. Then, kuya Val cupped his hands on my nape, which gave shivers throughout my body. His hand pulled me towards him, then, Joseph approached me, and kissed me, while kuya Val traces his hands on my shoulders. It was a very unforgettable sensation, my first kiss. From a guy i barely know but one i consider a dream guy. Then i thought of kuya Val, how is he not jealous with Joseph kissing me? And then Joseph parted my lips with his, and i felt his tongue trying to go through my lips. I gave in. I leaned on him and closed my lips, sucking his tongue. I felt kuya Val touch my cheeks, and Joseph's too, as if he's pushing us towards each other. And then i backed away. Kuya Val leaned to kiss me and i did not object. Long did i imagined that this friend of mine will be kissing me. And as he did, it was with passion. His lips is sweeter than Joseph's, but Joseph sure is more skillful. Then sila naman naghalikan, i felt odd. I was jealous, to both of them. Then Joseph kissed me again, this time, more passionate, as if he saw that i liked it more when kuya Val kissed me passionately, and not with too much liberation. I closed my eyes and soon as i opened them again, i saw kuya Val topless. I pushed Joseph away, but not too strong.
Me: am i supposed to join you to whatever you're planning to do? Need not i remind you that we're on my house.
Kuya Val: ayaw mo ba?
Hindi ko alam isasagot ko, 18 pa lang ako, virgin, though i read erotic books, i'm not into porn and the pleasure of masturbating. I seldom do it. Joseph leaned to kiss me and i didn't move kaya he removed my shirt, and then his. Lahat kami pawis na. Lalo si kuya Val, his sweat traces the outline of his manhood. Then they kissed, and moved towards me, si kuya Val kissing my lips, si Joseph tracing his tongue on my body. From my neck, to my chest, and then my navel. My back arched. It's overwhelming. One guy i never thought would be my friend, and his boyfriend, giving me this kingld of feeling. Joseph rubbed his hands and then he put it to my right leg. Napaso ako sa init ng kamay niya which made the moment more intense.
Kuya Val: Bhie, tara sa kama.
Sa isip isip ko, hay, sila na..
Kuya Val: Bhie, tara?
Then i noticed sakin nakatingin si kuya Val. I nodded. And lead the way from the living room to my bedroom. They were both surprised how many books i hoard in my bedroom. My bedroom is a painted blue, and has three shelves full of books, and a built in cabinet. Tapos humigana kaming tatlo sa kama. Sobrang tindig ng balahibo ko jun, at bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Hindi ko alam gagawin.
Joseph: higa ka lang, kami bahala sa'yo.
Then he kissed me while letting me settle myself down my bed. He kissed me, torrid, then french, then backed up. He kissed kuya Val. Iba pala feeling pag nanonood ka ng naghahalikan, na topless, na pawisan. They turned to me, and sucked each of my nipple. Mababaliw na ko sa sarap. Once in a while sila maghahalikan tapos maghihipuan ng katawan pero hindi nila ako ino-o.p. Their hands tracing my legs, and my hands, on their shoulders, yun lang cooperation ko. Then kuya Val kissed my navel, again, my back arched, it was so satisfying. Tapos sa puson ko. Nararamdaman ko na yung gagawin niya. Pababa ng pababa yung kiss niya, tapos tumigil siya. He turned to my legs. Hinahalikan niya yung legs ko papunta sa hita ko, tapos tinaas niya yung short ko hanggang nakalitaw yung malapit na sa singit ko. Kiniss niya yun.
Sobrang hard ko na nung ginagawa niya saken yun. I guess yung precum ko lumabas na sa short ko. While Joseph kisses my nipples. Ako tinetrace ko ng hands ko yung likod niya. The i gasped for air, i didn't realize i was holding my breath. Then nagtanggal na ng shorts yung dalawa. Sobrang hard ko na, sila hindi pa din. Slowly, kuya Val removed my shorts. And init ng paligid, magkakadikit kami, yung legs ko hinihipo nilang dalawa. Ako gustong gusto ko yung ginagawa nila. Then they kissed, fiercely. Both kneeling in my bed, each one on either of my side, and reaching for each other, kissing, one hand cupping one another's nape, other hand placed on my leg and chest. Sobrang nakakalibog. Then kuya Val said "Tanggal na tayong brief?"
To be continued..