Confused In Love Five (Part 1)

By: Akhi

It's been a busy week for me and Richard has been avoiding me eversince that night na nalasing sya while Miko on the other hand has been having problems with his sister. Okay naman kaming dalawa ni Miko. You know, casual na nag uusap pag nagkikita or nagkakasalubong sa bahay but I can't help but notice and feel an awkard atmosphere between the two of us. I must admit, I kind of miss Richard. Kase in the past I always get to see him everyday dahil halos araw araw syang bumibisita sa DCC at iniimbitahan akong lumabas or gumawa ng kung ano anong pampalipas oras. Right now, my feelings are turbulent. I don't want to believe that I am starting to have feelings for Richard but it's evident. I'm trying my best to suppress it for the sake of Rocel. Kay Miko naman, I hate that it feels as if my feelings for him has always been there, alam mo yun? Yung parang matagal ko na syang mahal kase matagal ko na syang kilala but everyone knows that we just met two weeks ago. Nakakainis kase hindi naman porkit he is like a reincarnation of Gab eh ganun din ang mararamdaman ko para sa kanya. I am so... I mean way too confused in love right now.
.
.
.

It's sunday morning at katatapos lang naming lahat mag breakfast and I decided to go out and have a walk. There wasn't any occasion but I figured I should dress up a bit more than my usual kase kahit gulong gulo ang puso ko ngayon, I've got a lot of energy and I feel like reconnecting with nature and the environment.

Akhi: Ross, maglalakad lakad muna ako ha? *tying my shoelace*

We're at the living room and Rocel is watching TV while the others are inside their rooms.

Rocel: Hmmm you seem awfully spritely today ha? Anong meron?

Akhi: Do I really need to have a reason for that?

I stood up straight, planted my hands on my hips and smiled at her raising an eyebrow.

Rocel: Uh yeah. *holds up her hand with her index finger pointing up* you see, the past week zombie mode ka then today parang sunflower ka na.

Akhi: Ahaha ang baduy ng hyperbole, but for what it's worth, I just think that some days like sundays are meant for reconnecting with yourself, the nature and what matters most in life.

Rocel: And what exactly is that? *crosses her arms and sneers*

Akhi: Duh! Being alive and happy, and I won't feel anything like that if I stayed one more minute here with your grumpy spirit.

She rolls her eyes and returned her focus on the TV then chuckles.

Rocel: Okay just go! No need to be so gay! Gosh!

Akhi: And you don't need to be so rude! *chuckles*

A grabbed a throw pillow and deliberately tossed it to her face but she immediately dodged it and we both laughed.

Akhi: Hmmf! maka alis na nga.

I walked out of the house and feel the lovely warmth of the morning sunlight. Took a deep breath of the fresh morning air and started walking. I forgot how lively the streets in our neighborhood was mula nung tumigil ako sa pagwowork sa restaurant for a whole year then nagkaron ng sariling negosyo.

While I was walking may ice cream truck sa tabi ng daan kaya nang madaanan ko yun I bought two cones of it that I intend to eat alone. But then I saw a boy and a girl. Umiiyak yung batang babae while the boy was laughing at her dahil sya lang ang merong hawak na icecream. So nilapitan ko sila and I gave one of mine to the poor girl. She smiled at me and immediately digged into the treat. Natawa pa ako ng makita kong kumalat sa bibig at pisngi nya yung icecream. She just looked at me and managed a deadpan. Hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaction ko so instead, kumain ulit ako pero kinalat ko rin sa paligid ng labi ko yung icecream then both the kids laughed at me. Their laughter was lovely to my ears. It's giving me more energy and from that very moment I completely forgot about all the stressful things I've got going on. I continued walking on my way to wherever my feet takes me. Masyado yata akong na relax na nakalimutan kong may icecream pa pala sa mukha ko because an old lady that I happened to pass by stopped and offered me a tissue.

Lola: Iho napasarap yata ang kain mo. Heto at linisin mo ang mukha mo.

Akhi: Ay! Good morning po. Pasensya na.

I took it and cleaned my face. She smiled at me and continued on her way. I was thinking to myself "I should do morning walks like this more often." May nagtitinda ng fishball sa di kalayuan at nakita kong may isang bata na nakatingin lang sa niluluto nung lalaki pero parang walang pambili. Sinusundan nya ng tingin yung ibang customers na may hawak na fishballs habang papalayo sa stall. So I decided na ilibre yung bata and I kinda got carried away dahil sobrang dami ng binili ko halos pakyawin ko na yung isang supot at pinaluto ko nang lahat kay manong para ibigay sa bata.

Bata: Salamat po kuya!

Akhi: Oh kumain kang mabuti ha? Magshare karin.

Bata: Opo kuya magugustuhan to ng mga kapatid ko.

I ruffled his hair then he runs off. A little while longer habang naglalakad ako may nagtitinda ng bulaklak and I thought to myself "well, this is gonna be the first time that I'm gonna buy flowers just for me" and so that I did. I took a selfie with it when I suddenly felt like doing something stupid so I uploaded it and captioned "Who's the mystery guy?" I giggled as I was doing that and uttered to myself, "Akhi Go, you're such a mystery and all of facebook is gonna be jealous of you" then I giggled once more. May nadaanan akong tatlong dalaga. They were looking at me and I can't help but hear them talk to each other.

Girl 1: Ay ang cute ni kuya oh, nakasmile.

Girl 2: oo nga mukhang makikipag kita sa gf nya kase may flowers na dala eh.

Girl 3: How I wish may ganyan din akong bf at may magbigay ng flowers sakin.

Girl 1: Hahaha! Asa ka pa! Walang forever no!

Girl 2: konting diet pa besh baka ma achieve.

Nilapitan ko sila at nagulat sila sakin as I offered the flowers that I bought to Girl number 3. She was blushing and smiling as she took it then I said:

Akhi: Tiwala lang. You know what they say, "love comes to those who believe it" so believe it.

I smiled then went on my way.

Girl 1: Huh! Tingnan mo nga naman ang swerte. *stumps her feet*

Girl 2: Inggit much hmmf! *crosses her arms*

Girl 3: Haha well, karma is a bitch. *smells the flowers*

I didn't realize that I was heading for verdant greens park but I'm glad that this is the place that my feet has led me to. I sat at a bench, looked up at the morning sky and closed my eyes. Nagulat ako nang may magsalita sa likod ko na super familiar.

Miko: That was quite a walk huh?

Agad ko syang nilingon and I sighed of relief when I saw who it was.

Akhi: You know, you never fail to frighten me when you just pop out of nowhere just like that.

Miko: Bakit naman?

Akhi: I know you always hear it, but as  we keep saying, you sound and look so much like Gab.

Miko: Oh well...

Akhi: So you were stalking me?

Miko: Nope. Why would I do that?

My eyes narrowed into crinkled slits as I looked up at him suspiciously.

Akhi: Yeah let me ask that of you. Why would you?

Miko: Haaaaa *raises his hands up in surrender* I just wanted to have a morning walk too.

I resumed my position and rested my hands on my thighs.

Akhi: *sigh* you could've just told me that you wanted to come with.

He sat beside me and looked ahead.

Miko: Well if I did, I wouldn't have the opportunity to see how cute your morning walk has been.

I blushed and got flutered upon his remark then I cleared my throat.

Akhi: So I take it you don't really have a specific place to go to right now?

He looked at me and sneers

Miko: Sabihin mo nalang kung gusto mong samahan kita. Dali mo namang basahin kaya wag ka nang magpakipot.

My face screwed up and I talked back

Akhi: Are you flirting with me?

Miko: More like teasing you, really...

Sasagot sana ako ulit pero biglang may feeling na kumurot sa puso ko. Yung feeling na this is a typical scene in a day sa relationship namin ni Gab noon. Nalungkot ako at di ko alam pero biglang parang naiiyak ako. I looked down and I curled up my fists. Nakita ni Miko iyon but he didn't say anything and instead he looked in the other direction with his lips flattened as if he's trying to suppress pain then he took a deep breath. Napansin ko iyon then nilingon ko sya suddenly forgetting what I was reminded then asked.

Akhi: May problema ba Miko?

He didn't look at me as he answered in a rather hoarse voice.

Miko: Miko huh? *chuckles* Wala. May naalala lang ako.

My heart and my mind was saying, how I wish you were Gab... How I long to just embrace you when you're looking like this...

Bigla syang lumingon sakin at nagkatitigan kami for a moment. Unconsciously tumulo ang luha ko. Napansin ko lang kasi pinahiran nya ito ng kamay nya.

Miko: I can tell, you really love Gab.

I closed my eyes feeling the pain. I took a deep breath and then answered.

Akhi: Very much... That guy will always have a special place in my heart forever...

Niyakap nya ako ng dahan dahan then I gave in. Pero tinanong ko sya

Akhi: What is this for?

Miko: Just shut up and pretend that I am Gab.

Akhi: That's too cruel.

But it wasn't really hard to pretend that he is Gab because everything feels just like that. Very familiar... Tuluyan na akong umiyak. Na para bang na refresh sa puso at isip ko ang sakit na mawala sakin ang taong pinakamamahal ko. From afar, nandoon si Richard... Nasa park din sya... At nakikita nya ang eksenang iyon. He clenched his fist and his brows furrowed. Sa loob loob nya nakakaramdam sya ng matinding selos at inis... Gusto nyang lumapit at paghiwalayin kami ni Miko sa pagkakayakap ngunit pinipigilan nya ang kanyang sarili. As I break from that embrace I wiped my tears at di sinasadyang napalingon ako at nakita ko si Richard. Nagtama ang mga mata namin... Bakas sa mukha nya ang pagseselos at hindi ako manhid para hindi maramdaman iyon. Napatayo ako kaya napalingon si Miko sa kung saan ako nakatingin. Nakita rin nya si Richard. Nag walk out si Richard at ako naman ay tila hahabol sana ngunit natigilan ako nang magsalita si Miko.

Miko: *chuckles humorlessly* Mahal mo si Gab... Pero nagagawa mong lumandi sa iba.

Nag init ang ulo ko sa sinabi ni Miko.

Akhi: Anung sinabi mo?!

Miko: Didn't you kiss that guy last week? At ngayon pumapayag kang yakapin ka ng ibang lalaki kahit di ka naman nililigawan.

He kinda looked a bit pissed off. Because of anger, I yelled at him.

Akhi: At anong alam mo ha?! It's been more than a year since Gab died pero hanggang ngayon mahal na mahal ko parin sya! I've never flirted with Richard but with Gab's absence he was the only guy who cared for me and showed interest!

Miko: And so ganon kadali?! Dahil pinakitaan ka ng maganda madedevelop ka na kahit may mahal ka pang iba?

Akhi: Shut up! I don't know okay?! It's just... It's just... *starts crying again* I know that I can never get Gab back again... and... never... because... he's dead and I can't keep pretending that he is you!

I sobbed and cried out loud not caring about the people around us. Nabigla si Miko kaya tumayo sya at niyakap ako.

Miko: I'm so sorry Akhi I didn't mean to...

Before he could finish talking I pushed him away.

Akhi: Stop doing that! Hindi ikaw si Gab at gaya ng sabi mo hindi mo naman ako nililigawan diba?! Wag kang paasa! Sinasadya mo man o hindi nasaktan ako sa mga sinabi mo!

I wiped my tears and quickly walked away but he grabbed my arm to stop me.

Miko: Akhi... I just...

Akhi: Let go of me!

I yanked my arms to break free from his grip then I ran away from him with no direction and just can't stop myself from crying...

After a long while of running I stopped to catch my breath nang makaramdam ako ng kamay na humahagod sa likod ko.

Akhi: Why the hell did you follow me?!

Pero paglingon ko it wasn't Miko, it was Mackhoy.

Mackhoy: Nakita kase kitang tumatakbo at umiiyak so I followed you.

Akhi: Mac! Hindi ikaw ang ibig kong sabihin.

Mackhoy: I know you meant the one who made you cry. But who is it?

Akhi: *sigh* nevermind...
I wiped my tears then stood up straight.

Mackhoy: Well in that case baka gusto mo kong samahan.

Akhi: Saan tayo papunta?

Mackhoy: I am on my way to meet some friends and of course kilala mo rin sila.

Akhi: Uh you mean Alyssa and Celine?

Mackhoy: Yep, but with one other person.

Akhi: *sigh* well, I guess para makalimutan ko tong nararamdaman ko.

Mackhoy: Promise me something first.

Akhi: Ano yun?

Mackhoy: That you won't freakout when you meet this "other person" that I am talking about.

Na curious ako. Why would I freak out? But I gave him my word anyway.

Akhi: Well okay. I'm not sure what this is all about but I guess it isn't something that I should be worried about.

He led me to his car at sumakay na kami.
.
.
.

We arrived at a resraurant quite far from home at bumaba na kami ng sasakyan. As we entered I saw Celine, Alyssa and a guy pero nakatalikod sya from the entrance. They waved at me but with a worried look on their faces. Pag lingon nung guy sakin I instantly uttered the words...

Akhi: What the f*ck?!