The Change, Where It All Began

By: Sushi

It starts with a greeting,

Followed up by a meeting.

And if it all works out,

You end with a feeling.

Then there would be caring;

Then there would be fighting.

And if you’re still together,

Then that means that there’s loving.

And who knows?

There might even be a wedding.

So I noticed that everyone has been introducing himself/herself (whatever gender you like to be called hehe) every time they post a story. I’ve only been here for a month or so, and I’m guessing it’s time to share my story. This is my first story here, so please go easy on me. Hehe :3 I was greatly inspired by the author of Cebu Coffee Shops. So whoever you are, thank you, and I hope we meet soon. :)

Hey there, my name is Sushi. Not my real name, because my name is very uncommon in this country. I am from Cebu. I am Japinoy (half Japanese, half pinoy). I was made in Japan, and delivered to the Philippines. (If you know what I mean /:D) I’m 20 years old. Studying in a medical school, but not enrolled in a mainstream course like PT or MT. I’m not yet really open, but a couple of my friends know, and the only family member that knows about me is my older sister. I have no plans of coming out my comfortable closet, because my parents are really strict. I think my dad might beat me up hehehe kidding, not really kidding. I’m sorry about keeping my identity private. I hope you guys understand. :D

This is not your typical sex story. This is a story about a boy who got his heart broken twice in a year. This is the story of how I came to be. This is my story.

This happened to me 2 years ago. I was just a normal 18 year old boy who knew nothing about what love really is. I had a girlfriend, my first and last girlfriend, and we were very happy together until she stopped being my girlfriend, and became the worst nightmare possible. Let’s call her Sam.

It’s been 6 months since I asked her to be my girlfriend. So we’ve been fighting for a couple of days now, and the usual routine of how it ends is: 1. she says: “Let’s break up.” 2. I call her on the phone and say: “No, I’m sorry. Forgive me.” 3. Then she says: “No. It’s over.” 4. Then I cry and say: “I’m sorry, please forgive me, I won’t do it again.” 5. After 10 minutes of me crying and saying sorry, she says: “Okay.” 6. Then we say our “I love you’s”. Then things go back to normal until the cycle begins again. This happened to me 5 or 6 times, I guess.

Her birthday was fast approaching, and I am the type of guy who really does something special whether it’s called for or not, and obviously, something special is being called for. We were strolling in SM.

I suddenly ask her with a smile: “What do you want for your birthday?”

She smiles (with her evil smile) and replies: “A teddy bear.”

I shockingly ask: “Is that all?” In my head I was thinking she would ask for something big ‘cuz she was really materialistic.

She then laughs (with her evil laugh) and says: “The biggest teddy bear you can find!”

I then said full of optimism and willingness: “No problem! I’ll give you whatever you want.”

She smiles. I smile. And I love you’s are being thrown spontaneously while we were walking in SM. Just like an ordinary heterosexual couple should appear.

I’m a man of my word. And so during my free time, I searched in Ayala and SM for the biggest teddy bear I could find. After hours of searching, good news is I have found the biggest one; bad news is it was in Blue Magic. *For those who don’t know Blue Magic: it is a very generic stuffed toy store that sells at a really ridiculous price for a stuffed animal. Like seriously. Why!? Anyway, back to the story.* It was really huge, the bear and its price. But I bought it anyway. If it was a way to make my girlfriend happy, then so be it. But this wasn’t enough for me. It had to be better. It must be better. That’s what I kept telling myself. So for the five days until her birthday, I immediately started making origami (paper folding) lotus flowers. And so the day before her birthday, I placed the giant bear in a giant box and filled it with all of my origami lotus flowers. Then I wrapped the box with her favorite color, pink (how typical). To some people, this might be too much, but for me, this was just right in order to make her happy and smile.

It was her birthday. I left the present in my friend’s dorm, so that I could surprise her on our last class. It was just speech class, so I think the teacher won’t mind hehe. I walked from the entrance of the school towards the lobby, then towards the elevator. People staring at me; wondering why am I carrying such a huge box; and wondering the contents of this box. I rode the elevator, and it was pretty awkward. A few glances from the people inside; a few giggles from girls. I got out of the elevator and started walking to the classroom. Cheeks blushing. Heart pounding. Sweat falling. Heavy Breathing. My classmates and friends saw me from the hallway, walking towards the classroom. And they all started teasing me and cheering for me. I entered the classroom.

Everyone screams: “Ayyyyeeeeee~”

I see her sitting down just looking at me with her clueless face, and walk towards her like a boss.

“Happy Birthday Bebe. I love you.” That’s what I said with a smile on my face, and a sweat falling from my forehead.

“Thank you Bebe. I love you too.” That’s what she replied with a smile (yes her evil smile yet again).

She then kisses me on the cheek, and then I kiss her on the forehead. It was like we were stuck in time. It was like we had our own world for at least a minute. And then time was slowly beginning, when all our classmates were screaming and teasing us.

And then they all chanted: “Chula! Chula! Chula!” (French Kiss)

We both blushed. Then I stole just a kiss from her, just a peck. She blushed then smiled. Everyone screamed. The class was in total chaos. The teacher was just looking at us, with a dumbfounded face. In his mind, he was probably thinking: “What dafuq just happened?” See, I told you speech class was just meh. Anyway, time was flowing back to normal again. We were just listening to the lecture. I look back (because I was seated at the front row) to see my girlfriend. She looks at me and smiles. I look at her and smile. The usual sappy heterosexual couple classroom scenario.

Class has just ended. I quickly go to her table.

“Do you need help with your baggage, miss?” that’s what I said with a chuckle.

She said: “Why yes, thank you.” That’s what she said with her smile (her evil smile ugh)

Walking around school while carrying her huge present and walking side by side, felt like we were in a movie. Like we were that popular couple that people despised and envied. People kept staring at us. Girls started gossiping. There was an awkward aura, but it didn’t bother us, ‘cuz we were stuck in our own world. We went outside the school to wait to get picked up. She got picked up. And I got picked up a few minutes after. In the car, I was contemplating on what had just happened. I was thinking that everything was gonna get better. We were gonna be happier. We were gonna last. And boy was I wrong.

It was a week full of love and care, kisses and dates, happiness and peace. But sadly, like everything in life, it had to come to an end. I was just lying down on my bed, when all of a sudden I get a text from her.

She said: “CHEATER! LIAR! ASSHOLE! I HATE YOU!”

I was shocked. I quickly replied: “Hey, are you alright? You wanna talk on the phone?”

She replied: “NO! I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I HATE YOU!”

I really had no clue on what was going on with her, so I replied: “What’s wrong? What did I do?”

She replied: “Don’t play dumb with me. I know you were having affairs with someone else! Our classmate pa gyud. (Of all people, our classmate.)”

I sighed and replied: “What? I never cheated on you. I will never cheat on you. So calm down, please, bebe.”

She replied: “Don’t call me that. It’s over. I’m breaking up with you.”

After reading that text, I realized it was “the cycle” again. Those words: “I’m breaking up with you.” seems all too familiar. After realizing that, something in me changed. Something in me told me to stop being such a bitch to this girl, and start standing up. I don’t know what that something was, but I am so thankful that that something was triggered.

So I replied: “Oki, if that’s what you want, then so be it. Let’s break up.”

I was so proud of myself for doing that. I could feel my manhood coming back to me.

She replied: “What? Nooo… I was just kidding. Let’s talk about it in school.”

I could sense that all this time, she was just threatening me with her “Let’s break up.” texts. I realized that she kept saying that to keep me on a leash like some kind of dog. I realized that this girl was a real B.I.T.C.H. – BITCH.

So I replied: “Sure. Let’s talk.”

It was time for the talk. We were both in school, in a secluded part.

She said with hatred: “I know you’ve been having an affair with our friend, Mika.”

I said with anger in my voice and eyes: “What?! Why Mika? She’s just a close friend of mine.”

I used to have a lot of girl close friends ever since grade school. But I also have a brokada. (all boy group of friends).

She raised her voice: “Shut up. I don’t believe you! Actors are good in lying!”

I used to act in high school, and joined a lot of acting workshops in Cebu.

With a calm voice I said: “I did not cheat on you. Why would you think so?”

She said with anger: “I saw a picture of you guys in facebook. You look so sweet together. This picture!”

She shows me a picture on her phone. It was a picture of Mika and me from my friend’s party. We were just sitting on a bench, smiling at the camera. We weren’t even touching each other. I really don’t know why she thinks I was having an affair with her. In mind I started to think why, and then it hit me. Not only was she a bitch, but she was also C.R.A.Z.Y. – CRAZY.

I chuckled because it was just so apparent to me, then I said: “What’s wrong with this picture? We’re not even touching each other.”

She got even angrier and said: “I can feel something going on between you two. Even my friends think so too.”

In my mind I said to myself: “Wow, her friends are also crazy. I guess birds with the same feather go together.”

I told her with a sigh: “Who are you gonna believe? Me or your friends?”

She said with a bitch face: “My friends.”

I sighed yet again and said: “Oki. Then there’s no point in trying to make you think otherwise. But I did not cheat on you. I know that, and my friends know that. I guess it’s over between us.”

Then she shouted: “I don’t believe you! Cheater!”

Then I shouted: “Don’t call me that! It’s not even true!”

Then we both stormed out, then she shouted: “I hate you!”

I ignored her. I was glad I stood up to her. I was happy. But deep inside, I was also sad, ‘cuz I know our relationship had to stop. I really loved her, but it was going nowhere.

After that outburst of emotions, I got home, and cried. Yes, pretty silly of me to cry for a girl, but hey, I loved her. I was about to sleep, when all of a sudden, I got a text from her.

She said: “I’m sorry. I believe you. I have something to give you tomorrow. Let’s talk please.”

I replied: “Oki, I’m sorry too. I’ll sleep. Good night.”

School was school, as usual. Boring lectures, hard exams, fun with friends, cheap canteen food, but something was different. A stare from a group of girls, her group, kept on haunting me. I ignored them. “They’re all crazy.” I said to myself. It was the end of our last class, and so it was time to talk to Sam. We went to another secluded area together. Not talking until we get there. When we go to the place, she instantly gave me a folded bond paper. To my surprise, it was a letter.

I said with a smile: “I’ll read this when I get home, oki?”

She smiled and said: “Sure. I love you, Sushi.”

I smiled and said: “I love you too, Sam.”

So we were chatting and catching up. I have already forgotten how much pain she gave me. It seems I have forgiven her of what she did. Was it because of love? That I will never know. But one thing was apparent to me. Although I was still in love, I knew that we should stop what we had, ‘cuz of one thing. Because of the cycle. We had to part ways. It was getting late. We said our good bye’s.

I got home. I got to my room, and instantly read her letter. It was an apology letter. To this day, I still keep it. I keep everything everyone gives me. There were tear stains. There was a lot of wrong grammar. I knew she was serious and sincere. She wrote she wanted me back. She wrote how wrong she was. She wrote how sorry she was. After reading her letter, I was torn. “What should I do?” I thought to myself. I knew that I should proceed with what I have decided at first, to break up with her. It was for the best. There was no way to stop the cycle. It had to be done. That’s what I kept thinking. That’s what I implanted in my brain, like an ultimatum.

It was the day. The end or maybe a new beginning. I don’t know. I still haven’t made a decision. You see, when you’re in love, no matter how much a person hurts you. Every time he/she is there, somehow you’re happy. You forget what he/she has done to you, and just remember the happiness of his/her company. We didn’t go to a secluded area this time. We both thought that we wouldn’t shout at each other again, and we didn’t. We sat down on a bench inside the school lobby.

She said bluntly: “So? What’s your decision?”

I told her with a smile: “I think we need to break up. It’s for the best.”

She smiled: “I think so too. But why?”

I chuckled and said: “Because I’m gay.” And I laughed so hard.

She was shocked. She just kept looking at me with her widened eyes and her lowered jaw. She said nothing. No comment. Na-da. Then I looked at her and laughed, but in my mind I was thinking: “Shit. I think she took me seriously.”

I then said with a chuckle: “I’m kidding Sam.”

The she smiled and said: “Okay.”

I changed the topic, and we just kept talking about the relationship we had. How much fun it was; how much happiness it brought us; how much pain it brought us as well. But in my mind I couldn’t stop thinking what she was thinking when I said that I was gay. I think she really took me seriously. I think I just did the most stupid thing anyone could ever do. I think I’m a dead man. We had to part ways. We were gonna get picked up individually soon. She got picked up. I got picked up. I was sitting in the car. Looking out the window, and just kept on contemplating on what I told her. I asked myself: “Why did I even say that?” “Why did I have to make a joke?” Shit. I’m dead.