When Tadhana Plays With You

By: Jaco

“Jaco, I know you’ve been avoiding me. Can you please tell me the reason why?”

“Tigil na natin tong pagkakaibigan natin Mike, this is so wrong in every way! Nagiging unfair kay Paolo. We are meeting, having friendly dates behind his back.”

“Yun lang ba?”

“Big deal yun Mike, can’t you comprehend na the guy you’re currently dating is my ex? Maling mali to hindi ko din nga alam anong pumasok sa tangang utak ko at kinaibigan ko yung lalaking umagaw sa ex ko. And worst, nahulog pa ako sayo! So please lang Mike, let us stop this bullshit. Hindi ko na kaya masaktan.” As I was about to walk out on him, he grabbed my hand in a way that I had always wanted.

“Pero Jaco, alam kong mali to. Pero ngayon sure na ako sa nararamdaman ko para sayo. Maybe we can give us a chance, meron at merong masasaktan and I am willing to take those chances if I’m with you.”

“Goodbye Mike, I hope this will be the last time we see each other. Maybe kung mas nauna kitang nakilala masaya na tayo pero mali na to.”

“Please Jaco! Wag kang umalis!”

I left with a heavy heart. It was the most painful thing I felt in my entire life. Heck, why did I let myself feel this kind of pain. I wish it would just all go away. It was raining really hard, like the heavens were crying for my sake as well. When I got home, all that could ease the pain on my chest was the bottle of whiskey by the bar.

There I was, at the couch lying all alone. I got numbed from the alcohol and had finally closed my eyes…

Three months ago,

(Phone rings)

“Tangina! Istorbo naman!”

Ang naiinis kong nasabi dahil nagising ako na masakit ang ulo dahil lumabas ako kagabi kasama ng mga kaibigan ko at umaga na ako nakauwi. At dahil sa kalasingan ay di ko na naisilent ang phone ko. Pinilit kong matulog pero fail. Hindi na ako makatulog. Ako yung tipo ng tao di na makatulog kapag nagising na, yung tipo na galit na galit kapag naiistorbo yung pagtulog.

At dahil nga ganun ang nangyari ay wala na ako nagawa kung hindi bumangon. Typical thing na ginagawa kapag gising, Nagshower ako at makatapos ay kumain. Medyo masakit pa ang ulo pero kaya naman na. Makatapos ay nanood na lang ako ng paborito kong tv series, yung Walking Dead. Habang nililibang ko ang sarili ko ay di ko napansin na madami na palang missed calls sa phone ko pero ang ipingtataka ko ay di naman naka register sa contacts ko ang number ng tumatawag.

After nang isang episode ay bigla ko naisipan mag grindr, isang application na ginagmit ng lalaki na interesado sa kapwa. Oo, I won’t deny that I’m attracted to guys. Kahit na alam kong hindi tama, may magagawa ba ako kung yun talaga ang nagugustuhan ko. I have learned to accept that this is just how I was made.

May kachat pala ako dun, at siya pala yung tawag ng tawag. Sa kalasingan ko ay nakalimutan ko na. Agad ko tinext ang number na tumatawag sakin kanina.

“Hey, sorry ikaw pala yung tumatawag. Lasing kasi ako nung kausap kita kagabi.”

After 5 minutes, nag reply siya.

“No worries bro, mukhang napasarap ka kagabi ah.”

“Oo nga, F*ck ang sakit pa ng ulo ko.”

We texted and texted for hours, and thanks to him I was entertained enough to forget the headache I got from last night’s partying. His name was Paolo. I learned that he was 25 years old, an architect by profession, and that he is also into fitness like me. We had so many things in common. Even though we only had met just now, It felt like I had knew him for so long.

“Tiga saan ka nga pala? You seem nearby.” I asked him.

“Dito lang ako along Mc Kinley Hill.” He replied.

“Oh? Malapit lang pala ikaw sakin, I stay at Serendra bro. ” Medyo excited kong reply sa kanya dahil meron akong posibleng kaibigan na medyo same wavelength.

“Wow ang lapit lang, let’s hangout soon! Pero gabi na rin maaga pa work ko tomorrow, so una na ako ha! Thanks for your time. Goodnight.”

Days passed by and we continued to keep in contact with each other. Typical na ginagawa ng friends, text ng goodmornings, goodnights, eat your breakfast/lunch/dinner. I don’t know pero nakakatuwa siyang kausap, just speaking with him relieves me from stress due to work. I instantly had a big brother, it felt like we had a connection.

After one week, he asked me whether it’s time to meet and I gladly obliged. What’s there to hold me back right? Okay naman siyang kausap, and besides mag kalapit lang kami. Hindi ako masyadong nakikipag meet dun kasi medyo alangan ako and mostly walang kwenta kausap so there was no chance, pero siya iba eh, yung tipong hindi mo namamalayan na ang tagal niyo na pala nagkukwentuhan at hindi ka nagsasawa.

We decided to meet at Starbucks. Honestly, I was nervous. It was my first time feeling that way, andun yung fear, excitement, basta halo-halo na yung emotion ko ewan ko ba nun. Even yung damit ko hindi ako makapili, yung buhok ko ayos ako ng ayos, pati yung perfume na dapat kong gamitin. I know I had to impress him.

I arrived there 20 minutes before the scheduled time. It was nerve-racking. I don’t know if I should back out or what, but then I gathered all my confidence and went inside. I ordered my usual drink, grande vanilla latte and silently waited for him at the corner. Then my phone suddenly rang.

“Hi Jaco, saan ka na? Andito na ako.” He asked with an exciting vibe.

“Hey, andito ako sa gilid sa bandang dulo.” I answered, heck my heart was skipping a beat!

At ayun, nakita ko na siya. Damn, he was so good looking in person! The photos couldn’t justify how he looked. He was 5’10’’ tall, skin as white as silk, and his physique was that of a Greek god. I admit, medyo na star struck ako. He was smiling as soon as he saw and f*ck that was the most gorgeous smile I ever saw.

“Hey Jaco kanina ka pa ba? Sorry medyo na-late ako.”

“Okay lang Pao, Medyo kakadating ko lang.”

“Oh, bakit parang natahimik ka?”

“Wala medyo nastart-struck lang ata ko sayo. Hahaha”

“Baliw ka.” He gave that gorgeous smile again.

We talked about so many things like travelling, sports, things he likes, things I like and because of that, we lost track of time. I told him that it was getting late and that it’s probably best if we continue it some other time because we had work tom. He asked me if he could drop me by my place, I informed him it was just a 10 minute walk but he insisted on doing so.

We went inside his car. I can’t help but notice na sobrang linis at bango, it just shows how neat and proper this guy is, At ayun nga dahil malapit lang sa coffee shop yung place ko ay andun na kami. Before I said my goodbye, he suddenly approached me and kissed me on the cheek. Tapos ngumiti ang loko. Napangiti na lang rin ako sa kanya at bumaba na.

Pag dating ko sa unit ko, I got a text from him.

“Thank you for your time Jaco! Til next time?”

“Thank you rin Pao! Yes, see you soon!”

Iba yung heartbeat ko, iba rin yung ngiti sa mukha ko. Natulog ako ng masayang masaya.