No Gender Basis (Part 1)

By : Lindz

It’s been years now since the wounds of being in pain was undergoing to its recovery of healing. I have to admit, my situation was like encountering a day by day agony while remembering each moment that we are together, which suddenly turned to its unexpected ending point. What made me strong as days passed by was the fact that I fought bravely to my solitude past. I was wondering why my heart continue beating, in fact it was embraced by those aches that had been planted through the years.

At the simple age of 17, I fall in love without even thinking what will be the consequences of the game I never thought would give me satisfaction and frustration. I gave all the best that a partner can offer, to the extent that I am the one handling the situation.

We both dreamed during our dates, wishing that someday we would end up at church, exchanging bows at each other while hundreds of people were there, watching our wedding. However, it was just a dream after all. The game of love will all depends on the action of fate, unless you both hold hand together and stay stronger.

It was year 2008 when they flew to States. It was our last year of our college days. At first, I was clueless, considering the fact that he left without any sort of explanation or goodbye. Later, I knew all the details with regards of why they leave the country and decided to migrate. They have their business to operate and it was urgent that time that they can’t announce the reason behind.

I still remember our first meeting, and that very moment, I never imagine myself falling from a guy who seems so conceited and arrogant. I never wish to spend time to a person whose duty is to insult me every time our paths cross.

** FLASHBACK **

‘The Heartthrob, Gab Trace Anderson reigned Mr. Engineering during the annual inter-school male pageant. Among 20 candidates whose craving to bring the crown home, the campus instant celebrity never fail the expectation of his colleagues and schoolmates to snatched the title and give honor for the school. It was another year of achievement to the milestone of his voyage.’

Another paragraph captured my attention. ‘During the Question and Answer, Gab was asked by a judge if time comes that he can meet a gay and accidentally fall in love with him, what could be his possible reaction and how can he takes the hypercritical words of insult by judgmental voices around him? Without any second thought, the school pride answered the question with confident in his voice ‘Love requires acceptance, it will never be unfair, never be judgmental. If I could meet a gay and fall in love with him directly, it will never be a problem. Love supposed to spread with no bias. In fact, gays deserve to be love, equally. I will treat him with respect, with importance, and with love. For that, I show to people that Love never requires Gender to feels how passionate love is. And if they prejudice our relationship, well, I’ll never give them the satisfaction to destroy what has we build to keep our relationship stronger and lasting. If they will question us, that will never be our problem, it’s them who can’t afford to accept the reality.’

‘Hey Sissy! Ehem. What is that? Patingen nga’ Di ko na namalayan na nasa tabi ko na pala si Franc, he’s my best friend since high school and still my best friend until now. He is straight forward but witty. He hates nerd, as well as jologs. He seems so easy-go-lucky, but responsible.His status? Well, He’s taken, 8 months now. Amazing right? Boyfriend niya? You must need to know. Why? Captain Ball lang naman ng tinitiliang Basketball Team ng Campus namin. They are the best example of Gab’s winning answer ‘Love never requires Gender to feels how passionate love is’. Ang swerte ng aking Sister. But I never feel insecure towards him. Alam niya ‘yun, at di niya kiniquestion.

‘So, you are staring the campus heartthrob ha? Yun nga lang, hanggang Picture kalang niya sa school paper publication’ dugtong pa niya. I am supposed to depend my side but he then continue afterwards. ‘Not bad for your taste. Gab is cool, cute and smart. Pero remember sissy, he is the apple of the eye ng mga flirt nating schoolmates sa different department. Gosh! Yung instant irog mo, di mo maabot sa sobrang sikat.’ Pabiro nitong sabi.

‘Excuse me, I’m just reading the content of this issue until nakita ko yan. Swear. Besides, he’s not my type. You know naman, I hate popular’ Sabay tawa.

‘Don’t fool yourself with your words, baka kainin mo. Wag mag bitaw ng patapos, baka subukin ka ng panahon’ makahulugan nitong sabi. Di ko nalang pinansin.

‘Sinapian ka ata. Why so serious Bestie? Sa sobrang in love mo sa boyfriend mo, nagmumukha ka ng matanda kung magsalita. Correction, love isn’t my priority. I enrolled here to gain knowledge, to become worthy of what I’ll be in the future. Kaya nga nagsisipag akong mag-aral. Again, Love or either Crush, that’s bullshit. It will destruct my focus.’ Mahaba kung paliwanag sa kanya para matigil na siya.

Biglang tumunog ang cellphone ni Franc. Kinapa niya ito sa bulsa niya at kaagad sinagot.

‘Yes Babe? Really? How about my best friend? Can he just accompany me?’ napapangiting tiningnan ako ng aking sister. His eyes getting wild. He press the end button at humarap sakin. ‘Fix yourself Honey, we have important person to look for. Be beautiful.’

‘Ha? But why? Am I not beautiful? Mom told me na kamukha ko na daw si Aphrodite? The goddess of beauty and love, remember? So, why do I need to fix things up? Besides, I’m fabulous.’ Sinabayan ko nalang ng tawa.

‘Loka loka! Halika na nga.’ Sabay hablot niya saking kamay.

As expected, Sissy meets his boy friend together with his team mates, syempre, we are right beside them. Accidentally that Gab walked towards us. Since he is known as Heartthrob, Henreick, Franc’s boyfriend called up Gab.

The person who is in front of me is like a God of his perfect sculpture, in every angle and his masculinity as well. Wow! Finally, I got the chance to see him closer. I can say that Gab deserves the crown, no question, no doubt.

‘Hey campus prince, how’s life? Please me to extend my congratulation.’ Vocal na sabi ni Henreick.

I wonder bakit siya nakatingen sakin. Asiwa ako habang naka tingen siya. I have to admit, masyado akong na conscious. Agad nabaling ang atensyon ko kay Franc ng magsalita siya.

‘Oh nga Gab, Congrats. We all know that your determination was paid off. Di kalang sikat sa school. Every girl wanted you. Well, also count the number of gays’ sabay bitaw ng makahulugang tawa habang nakatingen sakin ang aking Bestie. Gab just gives a smile. Habang ako ay umiwas lang ng tingen sa kanila.

Kung pagmamasdan, masasabing may pang tapat siya sa mga Boy-next-door na kilala sa industriya. Unang tingen mo palang ay papangarapin mong sanay naging sayo siya. But despite of his good looks, Gab manages to balance his academic and one of those dean’s list ng kanilang college. Kaya nga siksik ang bansag sa kanya, siksik sa kagwapohan, siksik sa katalinuhan. Napukaw ako saking pag-iisip ng biglang magsalita si Hendrick.

‘Pare, this is Ivan. Best friend ng aking kasintahan.’ Tango lang ang sinagot ko sa kanya. Pero sadya atang mabait ang loko, kaagad niyang inabot sakin ang kanyang kamay para mag shake hands. Parang may kung anong bultahe ng kuryente ang bigla kong naramdaman. Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung anong sensasyon ang aking kinakaharap. Pero bago pa man ako nabaliw sa nagaganap na eksensa, kaagad kong hinarap ang realidad.

‘It is my pleasure to finally meet you, Mr. Anderson. And please accept my warm congratulation for your reign. You never disappoint the school.’ Kalmanteng kong wika. Bakas sa kanya ang pag-ismid. Waring sinasabing ‘paulit-ulit nalang’. Nagkibit balikat lang ako. Sa pag tingen ko ulit sa kanya ay bakas na ang walang kapantay nitong ngiti na waring inukit ng isang dalubhasang skultor.

‘Ehem’ baritonong boses ang kanyang pinakawalan. Ang boses na galling sa kanya ay nagdulot sakin ng nakakakilig na pakiramdam. Di naman ako transparent para ipahalata ang aking kagalakan. Kaya mas pinili ko nalang na maging pormal.

‘Thank You Guys, I know that my fight is your fight too. Kaya I pursue to get the title so I can return the favor of helping me. Your cheers mean a lot. Kaya ginalingan ko. The victory of my winning is for the school’s name. They just used me as an instrument to prove further that the students of this University is well trained and molded, in terms of Academic, and in an active participation of an out campus contests and competition.’ Madamdaming pahayag ni Gab.

Ang gwapo niya kahit saang anggulo mo siya tingnan. Nangingintab ang kanyang mukha habang nasisinagan ng haring araw na nakadaragdag sa karisma niyang taglay. Nakakaengganyo ang kanyang mga labi na animoy pinaglihi sa prutas ng mansanas. Perpekto ang hugis ng kanyang ilong na mistulang nililok ng sikat na mang-uukit.Kay hirap niyang abutin.At kung di ka man lang nabibilang sa elite na pamilya, mas mabuting mahalin mo nalang siya ng palihim dahil sa napakatayog niya para angkinin.Namumukod tange ang kanyang personalidad.

‘Well, it is nice to hear that Pare. Anyways, I still have to change my shirt. Please excuse me’ Si Henrick. Pero bago pa man siya umalis ay binalingan muna niya ang aking Sissy sabay halik sa pisnge. ‘I’ll be back for a couple of minutes Babe. Stay put.’

‘I’ll wait’ ‘yun lang ang sinabi ni Franc. Naiwan kaming tatlo ni Gab. Umalis na rin kasi ang ka Team Mates ni Hendrick. Wala na din masyadong tao sa court dahil sa tapos na rin ang Practice schedule. Namagitan samin ang katahimikan. Walang nag initiate na mag bukas ng topic. Sa pagkabigla ko ay hinarap ako ni Gab sabay tanong ‘Hey, mind you If I ask your name again? Si Franc kasi, kilala ko na yan. I was there when my best friend Drick asked him to become Mrs.Froid.Well, ganun ka inlove ‘yung best friend ko sa buddy mo.’ Parang kianakausap niya lang ako na parang close niya na. Actually, ang sarap din naman sa pakiramdam na kausapin ng pinagpapantasyahan ng nakararami.

‘I’m Ivan Miguel Reyes.’ ‘Yun lang ang mga salitang nabitawan ko. Magkahalong pagkadismaya at lungkot ‘yung naramdaman ko. Parang wala akong maapuhap na sagot sa kanyang simpleng katanungan.

‘Di ko alam na ang tipid magsalita ng kaibigan mo Franc.’ Sabay baling saking buddy. ‘ By the way, I will go ahead Sweeties. My co-officers texted me. Malapit na kasi ang Intrams and we need to meet for the activities. See you next time’

Pagkaalis na pagkaalis ni Gab, agad akong kinurot ni Franc. ‘Aray naman sissy. Bat nangungurot ka?’

‘Can’t you see? Time mo yun para magpakilala. It was an opportunity who managed to give you time to make him feel comfortable. Well, you have lost the chance. Ewan ko nalang kung mauulit pa ‘yun.’ Magsasalita sana ako ng tumunog cellphone niya. ‘Yes Babe? I see. See you Tomorrow. Bye’

‘Ano daw?’ usisa ko sa kanya.

‘Mauna nalang daw tayo. He still needs to see his coach. Matatagalan daw. May meeting din sila for the up-coming league ng junior inter-school basketball. Tara?’

‘Sige. Ah sissy, paki email naman maya ng article mo oh. Iedit ko pa kasi. Submission na next week right?’ sabi ko sa kanya.

‘Copied Sissy. Lets go?’ at nilisan na namin ang basketball court kung saan kami unang nagkakilala ni Gab. It was great to finally saw him closer.Nakakawala sa sarili ang matitigigan siya ng malapitan. And the rest of my day turned so inspiring.

Kung ano ‘yung ikinaganda ng araw ko kahapon, yun naman ang kinaiinis ko ngayon. The clock speaks 8;30 ng magising ako kanina. 9 pa naman ang major subject ko.Para akong ipo-ipo kanina kung kumilos. Tapon ng tuwalya dito, suot ng uniform duon. Sipolyo, ayos ng sarili then baba. Di na ako kumain. Tagal pa ng taxi. Ma traffic na kasi. Mismong pasok ko ng gate ng may tumawag sakin. Dahil nga sa nagmamadali ako at gusto kong umabot sa major class ko kaya nilingon ko ang tumawag na hindi man lang tumitingen sa mga dumaraan.Nakita ko nalang yung mga dala kong drafts ng article na nakakalat sa semento. Nabunggo ko pala ang isang estudyante. Mag sosorry sana ako ng sa pag angat ng aking tingen ay nasilayan ko ang mukha ni Gab. Pero opposite sa kung ano yung gusto kong makita. Nakasimangot ito na naiinis.

‘Next time, maging responsible ka naman sa dinaraanan mo. You damn gay wasted half of my time to attend my class. Can’t you see? Maraming estudyante ang dumaraan at pinairal mo pa yang katangahan mo. You’re disappointing’ arogante niyang sabi.

Napako ako sa kinatatayuan ko. Gusto kong umiyak sa pagkapahiya dahil na rin sa maraming tao ang nakarinig at nakasaksi. Nakakahiya ang pangyayari. Umalis niya siya subalit naiwan parin akong tulala. Nang di ko na maiwasan pa ay dumaosdos na ang luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilan.Mistula itong tubig talon na tuloy-tuloy ang pagdaloy.

‘Here. It will help you dear.’ Isang boses ang aking narinig. Nagbibigay ng assurance na sa panyong kanyang ibibigay ay mawawala ang lahat ng aking iniinda. Tiningnan ko ang lalaki. Bakas sa mukha nito ang pagdamay sa aking sitwasyon.

‘Thank You’ At patuloy ko parin ang masaganang luha sa pagtulo.

‘Just don’t mind Gab’s action. He unintentionally do that, he was pressured. Ako na ang hihinge ng tawad sa nagawa niya. By the way, I’m Nathan. Nathan Louie Puerre. Tahan ka na.’ Na relieve ako sa heartwarming niyang mga salita. Well, I guess it’s time to be strong,maging palaban. All my life, kinulong ko ang sarili ko sa pagiging mahiyain, aloof and timid. This is the right time na din seguro to go out on my shell, to socialize, to stand stronger. At pagsisihan ng Gab na yun na may isa siyang baklang ininsulto sa maraming tao. Right this moment, magbabago ang lahat.

‘Ivan pala. Sorry sa pagiging ma drama. I wonder bakit ako napaiyak ng ganun. Well, I admit, sensitive talaga ako, maybe that was the reason of bursting out my emotion.’ Tiningna ko yung relo ko. 6 minutes before mag start ang klase. Agad akong nagpaalam. ‘Nathan, right? I need to go. 5 minutes nalang yung remaining time ko para sa major subject ko. Thank you again. I’m looking forward for the days to meet you again.’ Kasabay ng aking paglisan at pag-iwan kay Nathan ay ang ngiti na aking binitwan.

**

‘Sissy? Why you’re seems pre occupied? Is there something bothering you? Care to share. You can lean on your problem. ‘ Sa classroom na ako nun at tapos na rin ang major subject naming. Buti nalang talaga at nakaabot pa ako sa mismong oras ng pagpapasa ng drafts ng mga articles. Vacant na naming at resume na naman ang klase at 1 o’clock for history.

‘Nope’ at sinabayan ko ito ng bubbling ngiti. ‘Wag mo na nga akong kausapin sissy. Marami pa akong iniisip para sa final presentation ng project natin. ‘

‘Whatever sissy. Basta pag nalaman kong may nililihim ka, may pektus ka sakin’ at pinagkikiliti ako ng aking best buddy.

‘Ooooooh my gooooosh! Gab Anderson!’ Sabay kaming napatingen lahat sa bungangera naming kaklase. Nagkibit balikat nalang ako. Nakakairita sa pandinig ang pangalan niya.

‘Gab just insult a gay a few hours. At ang caption pa, ‘Gab lost his temper due to a busy schedule!’ Talaga naman oh. Kahit Campus Prince, pumapangit rin pala kong magalit. Look’ pinakita ni Karryle sa katabi niya. ‘This is really disgusting! But wait, Hey! Parang si’ pinutol ni Karryle ang sasabihin at lumapit samin ni Franc.

‘Ivan? Is this you? Hell! At bakit sa dami-daming estudyanteng bakla na mapapadaan at mababangga niya ay ikaw pa? Look? You look so hopeless here. I pity you’ lantad sa mukha ni karryle ang pagdamay sa kung ano man ang nangyari.

Tiningnan ko si Franc, kitang kita ang lungkot sa kanyang mukha.

‘Bakit di mo sinabi? My God Sissy! All my life, all our life, di ka nag lihim sakin kahit sa simpleng kasalanan na nagawa mo nuon. Why now? Di man lang kita na protektahan kanina sa antipatikong yun. Akala ko pa naman kung mabait siya. Tingnan mo nga, kinaladkad ka pa niya sa kasikatan niya’ sermon sakin ng aking buddy.

‘Calm down bestie. It was also my fault. Naging tanga ako. Don’t worry, I’ll fix things up. Let the issue die in its natural death.’sabi ko nalang para hindi mag hysterical si Franc.

Pauwi na kami nun ni Franc ng may isang lalaking kumuha ng aking atensyon. Gusto ko sanang lumihis kami ng daraanan ngunit na corner na kami ng lalaki. May kasama siya, kilala ko at lalaki na nakasunod sa kanya. Nakaismid na tiningnan ni Franc ang dalawa. Nang aktong lalapitan niya kami at ako na ang nagsalita. Mahirap na kasi kong si Franc pa.

‘Just stay to where you are now. Hindi pa ba sapat na ininsulto at binilad mo pa ako sa kahihiyan? Sabihin nating kasalanan ko dahil naging tanga ako sa mismong dinaraanan mo, pero hindi ako ganun kamanhid para hindi maramdaman ang sakit ng mga binitawan mong mga salita. Bakla lang din ako Gab, may puso at nakakaramdam ng kirot. Pero di ibig sabihin nun na madali lang para sayo na saktang ang damdamin ko. Gwapo ka nga,oo, pero hindi makain ang ugali mo’

‘Please listen. I know I made a mistake. Swear,it wasn’t my intention to insult you, either harass you to people who know the incident. Kasalanan ko, kaya nandito ako to say sorry.I want to win your forgiveness’ nagsusumamong sabi ni Gab.

‘Too late to ask Mr. Anderson. At sana, this will be our last encounter. Let’s go sissy’aktong tatalikod na kami ng hinawaka niya ang aking kaliwang kamay. Nakakakuryente ang kanyang pagkakahawak.

‘I’ll wait the day when you’re ready to forgive me. I was my fault then. Sorry. I know words isn’t enough but I’m hoping to fix this issue. I want you to know that I respect gays. Nagkataon lang na pressure ako kanina. If only I could explain everything. Pero napakahirap at takot ako nab aka di mo maintindihan’ mahaba niyang paliwanag.

‘I don’t need your explanation Mr. Anderson. Okay na seguro ang sorry kahit di ko makapa ang sinseridad’

**

I wasn’t able to finish editing the article assigned to me for the creation of our magazine ‘cause I also need to finish the scrutinizing of the other unrelated output. Well, it is a tiring day after all. However, this is one way of showing leadership to my team mates for the betterment of our project and for the better grades to earn from our professor since it is our major subject, and it so saddened that when I check out one written output, I was dismayed. I saw the headline, and it says ‘The emerging Campus royal heartthrob, Gab on its water flow fame, Continual’. The article says about the hard works, perseverance of his journey towards reaching his aim goal and vision in life while fighting the day by day stressful hours listening to infinite lessons.

‘I don’t give a damn’ nausal ko nalang sabay ignore sa article. Since drained na ‘yong utak ko sa maraming nirevised, I went outside, trying to unwind to relieve stress. I was on our corridor then when I saw familiar faces. Yeah, FAMILIAR FACES to be exact.

I was about to step back to ignore them when someone utter words that made me face front. And since, maraming studyante na nakapaligid, It made me blushed and turned like a hot potato. Di pa nagsisink-in sakin ang sinabi niya.

‘Yeah, you heard it right students, I and this guy Ivan from the Language Department is my lover, he is mine and will be mine alone. Sorry for being afraid of telling you about our secret affair. But now, I have the courage enough to say that we are stable now and we’re happy for having this private relationship. I do hope that you’ll treat him the same like what you gave to me.’ Inakbayan niya ako na lalong nagpamanhid sakin. Mistula akong nakalutang sa alapaap na walang direksyon na pupuntahan.

Humarap siya sakin at sinabi ‘I know you’re surprised baby. But I can’t take it anymore.’ Artistang artista ang dating ng loko. Nakakainis ang pagpapacute niya. Nakakarindi ha? Pero nakakaganda naman ng araw.

Marami ng nagbubulong-bulungan. Tiningnan ko ang mga studyante, majority sa kanila ay pokerface, pero wala namang sinabi o inusal. Mas nakagaan ‘yon sakin ng loob. Ayoko kasing nakakarinig ng mga salita lalo pa’t naririnig ko.

Bumalik na ako sa aking katinuan, nag excuse ako sa mga kasama niya at sabay hablot sa kanya. ‘We need to talk.’ Wala na akong pakialam sa sasabihin ng iba basta makaladkad ko lang siya para klaruhin ang lahat. Masyado na akong stressed sa mga pinanggagawa niya.

Dinala ko siya sa cr ng department namin. I want to talk to him heart to heart and to clarify things up. Ayokong pag tsismisan. Mas ayokong mabilad sa kahihiyan.

‘I know na sikat ka. Kaya mo akong ikabit sayo para makilala ng iba. Pero iba ‘yong ginagawa mo eh, it always humiliating Gab. I wonder bakit mo pa nagawa ‘yon kanina. Are you out of your mind? Haven’t you think about the consequences? Wag kang magpakabobo. You are fooling your own self. Nakakabastos kana. Paulit-ulit nalang Mr. Gabriel Trace Anderson.’

‘Can’t you see the reason why I’m doing that? Ha? Di mo ba nakuha ‘yong point? Gusto kong mapalapit sayo but your pushing me not to enter your world. Ikaw ‘yong selfish eh. Ikaw ‘yon. I did everything to please you with my action. It is unusual for me to create another account on facebook to sent friend request and stalked you all the way. The one who is sending you flowers? Ako ‘yon. Chocolates is another factor. Para na nga akong nanliligaw. ‘Yong minsang may sumulat sayo to invite you dinner in a resto na di mo sinipot. Ako ‘yon at naghintay ako ng mahigit anim na oras. But I did not complain. Nang minsang nag status ka para magpa answer ng assignment mo sa statistics, I sent you the answer via email. Alam mo ba kung ano yong masakit sa lahat ng ginawa ko? ‘Yong naka mascot ako na pumasok sa room niyo para aliwin ka at matuwa kasi sabi ni sissy mo tuwang-tuwa ka sa mga ganun but I heard when you screamed that it is kinda boring to entertain such annoying trying hard mascot to make everyone laugh. Labis akong nasaktan non, pero nakuha ko bang mag give up? Hindi diba? Narito parin ako. Last option ko na ‘yon kanina. At thanks God, kahit ganito ‘yong set up ng pag-uusap natin ay okay na para sakin. Di ko alam if what seems to be unusual? Were in fact, di ka babae, pero nakakabaliw ka. First encounter palang natin para na akong nahypnotized. I don’t know if this is right, but I want you Ivan. I really do’.

‘Tapos kana ba sa Sona mo? Hininge ko rin ba na maging ganun ka towards sakin? In the first place, I did not even tell you to do all that.Masyado kalang paranoid at feeling mo natamaan ko ‘yong pride ng pagkalalaki mo. I don’t give a damn with your efforts. Di ko rin kasalanan if ganyan naging reaction mo. Maybe, settle with things you used to do before. Para naman di mo maisampal sakin ‘yong ununsual drama mo. The best thing you could do? DISAPPEAR. That will help to make things smooth. Para di kana mamoblema para iplease ako. ‘ Aktong tatalikod na ako ng hinawakan niya ‘yong kaliwang kamay ko. Di na ako humarap pa. Baka bumigay lang ako.

‘Yon ba talaga makakapagbigay sayo ng presence of mind? Say it, and I will damn give it to you!’ Mahina pero may awtoridad ang kanyang boses.

‘Please do.’ ‘yon lang at umalis na ako. Masyado ng mallit ang cr para saming dalawa.

**

Nakatunganaga lang ako sa monitor ng computer. My classmates keep on posting their insights regarding the approaching Intramurals. Wala naman akong balak pumunta, dir in naman kasi ako sociable. I rather spend time facing the computer than to go school having a boring moment. Ganun kasi ako, even when I was in High school. Ayoko ma exposed sa ganung mga event. Its kinda tiring. I am about to shutdown the computer when Franc, my sissy called me up.

‘Where are you all this day?’ bungad niyang sabi.

‘House. Facing the monitor. Why?’

‘Dress up. I’ll pick you 5 minutes from now. I want to show you something’

‘I see. I’ll wait then.’ Sabay patay ko sa phone.

I went downstairs when I finally finished making myself comfortable with my dress. The doorbell rang. And since ako lang mag isa sa bahay kasi namalengke sila yaya at mama, ako nalang ang nagkusang mag bukas.

‘Sissy.’ Bungad ko sa kanya.

‘Sakay na.’

Wala na akong nagawa at din a nagtanong pa. SAKTO! Sa school pala kami pupunta. I wonder why, since wala kaming pasok at wala kaming task na kelangang gawin.

‘Why we’re here Franc?’ nagtatakang tanong ko.

Before he answer,I saw an engineering students coming while singing a love song. They all have red roses and about to go to where I am standing. Nakakawala ng tuliro. Before I know, Gabriel appears with a microphone on his hand. He has a bouquet of flowers in his left hand. I can’t even predict what will happen next, basta sunod lang ako sa flow.

‘I know it was a reject statement when you told me to leave you alone. Nakakainsulto ‘yon sa pagkalalaki ko Ivan. But I understand. Last night, I was preoccupied. I kept on thinking on what to do to forget you this quick, but surely am, I can never.Now, in front of all the student, I will court you. Wala na akong pakialam if ano mang sabihin nila. Only your yes to be mine will matter at the moment. Allow me to enter your world. I promise, I’ll do what everything for you to be happy.’

Pagkatapos na pagkatapos niyang bigakasin ang mga katagang ‘yon, bumalik ako sa realidad. Naging mas matalino ako kung ano ba dapat ang pakikinggan ko. Nakakaasiwa lalo pa’t dumarami na ang mga studyante at mas lalong nagkumpulan. Mahirap talagang mag desisyon, lahat ba’t bakla ka lang at liligawan ng isang sikat na personalidad sa inyong paaralan. Parang jackpot sa lotto.

‘I’m not the right person for you. I have this feeling that I couldn’t be a good partner if ever. Please, there’s a destined person that could give the love in return.’ Malumanay kong wika.

‘Don’t fool yourself Ivan. I know that I have place in your heart. You kept on denying the true feeling inside. Give me a chance to prove that I can be worthy with that love. I never ask for more now, I have everything I could be proud of, but it didn’t have any difference to a beggar asking for a centavo or a coin, because I haven’t you. I am empty. I am hopeless’ madamdaming pahayag nito sa maraming tao. ‘Yong ibang mga studyante ay nagkumpulan na rin dahil sa nakuha na nila ang atensyon.

Wala akong makapang sagot sa kanyang tinuran. Mistula akong nawala ng panandalian sa aking katinuan. Nakikita ko ang effort niya. Pero takot akong masaktan at umasa. Ayokong pagsisihan kung sakaling mag desisyon ako ngayon. Nanumbalik sa akin ang iniisip ko kagabi. Hindi ko lubos maisip kung totoo ba lahat ng kanyang sinabi. Ayokong matulad sa iba. Dahil kung atin mang iisipin,ang lalaki ay para sa babae, at ang babae ay para sa lalaki. Gayun lang ‘yon kadali.

‘Gusto kitang bigyan ng rason at bukal sa loob na tanggapin ka at pasukin ang aking mundo. Pero ayoko lang masaktan. Ayokong mapaglaruan. Mas lalong ayokong maging kawawa. Ni hindi ko pingarap na makabit sa kasikatan mo. Mas Masaya na ako sa kung ano man ang meron ako ngayon. Gab, sabihin ko mang ayokong tanggapin ang hinihingi mo, pero alam kong mas dalawang ulit itong masakit. Naguguluhan ako. Kagabi, hindi ako makatulog. Iniisip kita. Iniisip ko ang mga sinabi mo. Pero Gab, hindi naman kasi sapat yon para mapatunayan na totoo nga ang intension mo. Sorry sa ngayon, pero ipokrito kong sasabihin kong hindi kita gusto. Pero doon nalang seguro ‘yon. That’s the least thing I could do to help us saving from consequences so that we have we have choice not to take risk to start a foundation. I’m sorry. But I can’t accept your proposal.’

*Itutuloy