By: Gab
Hi! I've been in this site for quite some time now and I realize, heck, why don't I submit my story? But before anything else, I’m Gab (not my real name), 16 years old, Cebuano, 5’9 ang height, volleyball varsity player sa school, fair complexion with Spanish blood. I’m not really gay, I’m bisexual but I’m more inclined to guys and I don’t act all girly, hindi talaga halata na I like boys dahil boy na boy ako. So this is how my story goes...
Before, I always thought I was straight but when I entered high school, nag-iba na ako dahil na attract na ako sa mga lalaki. Siguro I wanted to feel how it is to be loved by a man dahil I don’t feel it from my dad kasi eh, I feel like he hates me and I’m the unwanted child so basically, close ako ni mama PLUS it doesn’t help na sa compound namin halos puro babae, my aunts and most of their children ay babae and their husbands are working abroad (my dad has 8 sisters, he’s sixth in the family and the only boy) But I still like girls pero kaya nga, more sa boys. This life is hard, being raised in a very religious and conservative family; I had to fight this feeling and even questioned God; why did You do this to me? But eventually I started to feel comfortable and accepted myself. But I kept it hidden from them still.
Even though I knew that I liked boys, I still convinced myself na straight ako until the summer before Grade 10. It was the time na accepted ko na talaga na mas gusto ko lalaki kaysa babae, mga 70%-30% siguro. It was also because of Raffy (and again, hindi niya totoong pangalan). Raffy, he’s 5’7 tall, chinky eyes (mga type ko), fair skinned, he’s half Korean half Filipino pero very Filipino ang ugali, very very well built dahil part siya sa CAT unit namin
Before, I always thought I was straight but when I entered high school, nag-iba na ako dahil na attract na ako sa mga lalaki. Siguro I wanted to feel how it is to be loved by a man dahil I don’t feel it from my dad kasi eh, I feel like he hates me and I’m the unwanted child so basically, close ako ni mama PLUS it doesn’t help na sa compound namin halos puro babae, my aunts and most of their children ay babae and their husbands are working abroad (my dad has 8 sisters, he’s sixth in the family and the only boy) But I still like girls pero kaya nga, more sa boys. This life is hard, being raised in a very religious and conservative family; I had to fight this feeling and even questioned God; why did You do this to me? But eventually I started to feel comfortable and accepted myself. But I kept it hidden from them still.
Even though I knew that I liked boys, I still convinced myself na straight ako until the summer before Grade 10. It was the time na accepted ko na talaga na mas gusto ko lalaki kaysa babae, mga 70%-30% siguro. It was also because of Raffy (and again, hindi niya totoong pangalan). Raffy, he’s 5’7 tall, chinky eyes (mga type ko), fair skinned, he’s half Korean half Filipino pero very Filipino ang ugali, very very well built dahil part siya sa CAT unit namin
(parang army thingy sa school) at naglalaro pa ng basketball, table tennis at volleyball. Attractive talaga siya pero mysterious. Pareha kami ni many ways, he grew with his mother dahil his father left them while he was still very young dahil ayaw ng lolo niya na makasal ang father niya sa non Korean kaya pumunta sa Korea at iniwan sila dito pero his father sustains them naman. Classmates kami since Grade 7 pero hindi kami gaanong close before. I just started noticing him and developed a liking for him pagsummer. I don’t know why but he just suddenly popped inside my head and then BAM! My world changed.
******
So first day of class, I was ready to face the challenges ahead and excited rin ako makita mga friends ko. Early ako nagpahatid sa school dahil nga first day at excited ako makita mga katropa ko (and partly excited na makita siya) pero pagdating ko doon, naalala ko na CAT pala siya at kapag first day, busy sila sa pag-assist sa mga lower grade levels. Kaya pumunta nalang ako sa room at bilis-bilis pumunta sa seat ko at tinignan kung sino seatmates ko. I was seated sa rightmost seat so wala sa left side, front at back lang ang seatmates ko. I checked the chairs but there were no names, only class numbers and beside me was the class number 10. I quickly checked who class number 10 was (hoping it was him) at laking tuwa ko’ng malaman na si Raffy nga!
And so the first day ended and I felt like I was in heaven dahil katabi ko siya at daaaaaaamn, ganda talaga ng feeling. So ayon, naging katropa ko na rin siya at palagi na kaming magkasama, sa canteen, sa grouping, sa partnering ng mga activities sa school, kahit sa P.E. nga eh kasabay ko siya’ng nagcutting. And every day that passed by, I fell in love with him even more. I did things I haven’t done like cry before I sleep because of someone (the realization that we cannot be together made me cry), I can’t eat, can’t sleep, I look forward in going to school and I dread going home. And one time sa homeroom namin, we filled up something at may nakasulat doon “Write down your best friend’s name” at laking gulat ko when he tapped my shoulders and whispered in my ear, “Gab, I’ll write down your name ok?” sabi ko ok naman and I wrote down his name too, after ko na-isulat ang pangalan ng una kong best friend, si Marco.
Sa sobrang close namin, our classmates and even our teacher teased both of us, “bromance daw” sabi niya dahil nga we always talk and whisper in each other’s ear kahit nagdiscuss teacher namin. Dahil rin we move our chairs closer to each other and sleep on the arm rest with our heads close to each other. Dahil rin we share one jacket, I use one sleeve and he uses the other dahil malapit kami sa aircon at natutulog kami sa ganoong position. Sa example ng teacher namin, ginawa pa kaming dalawa na mag-boyfriend. Basta close na close talaga kami, mas close na kami kaysa sa mga katropa ko since grade 7.
One day, nalaman ko na lang na nililigawan niya pala yung friend ko’ng babae. Ouch, nadepress talaga ako noon. Sa sobrang depress ko, hindi ko na siya pinapansin. I kept my distance from him but he didn’t notice it. But my friends did pero hindi ko sila sinabihan bakit, expect yung isang katropa ko na si Marco (hindi niya totoong pangalan) na since kinder ko pa kaibigan, siya yung pinaka best friend ko. So sinabi ko sa kanya but he accepted me naman, he said that he can’t change me and I am the way I am but it doesn’t mean na I am less of a friend to him. So ‘yun, siya na nasasabihan ko ng lahat. Pero hindi ko talaga madelete yung feelings ko para kay Raffy, something about him that draws me to him kasi eh. Parang feeling ko na he also feels the same. Kaya pinatuloy ko yung feelings ko para sa kanya at bumalik na an gaming closeness, kahit masakit sa part sa akin, so close yet so far.
******
Early August, our school will send students to Baguio for national academic competitions. Napili ako to to represent the school sa Science quizbowl, General information, essay writing at folk dance competition. Napili naman siya sa Math quizbowl, poster making at hiphop competition together with other students (mga 20 kami, kasali pa tatlo sa aking mga katropa at yung nililigawan ni Raffy). So panay practices namin after school at dahil mas maaga ako matapos, I always stay behind to watch him practice hiphop (dahil rin hiphop si Marco and we ride home together since our houses are near each other). And every night hindi talaga ako nagsasawa tingnan siya, SHIT ang sarap pa ng dougie niya!
“Guys! Since dapat maaga tayo sa school on the night of the departure, sleepover tayo sa amin!” sabi ni Raffy two days before our departure. Excited kami lahat and we said yes to this. Nagpaalam ako sa parents ko at ok naman sa kanila. On the night before our departure, nagpahatid na ako sa kanila. Doon, kami’ng lima ay nagsamasama at kung anu-ano ang ginagawa namin. Dapat by 2 am nasa school na kami kaya we decided not to sleep. We talked about serious stuff until we reached the topic about crushes namin.
“Ikaw Gab, sino crush mo?” Tanong ni Jay, isa naming katropa. Patay, nanginginig ako at nakita ko si Marco na lumaki ang mata. “Aaah, eeeh wala ako’ng crush eh” sabi ko.
“Meron! When you were depressed, dahil yun sa crush mo noh?” sabi ni Kyle.
“Hahahha! Oo nga! Mag.share ka na Gab!” bumirit pa si Ed.
“Oo na! Dahil sa kanya. Ano kasi eh, basta Malabo.”
“Bakit malabo?” tanong ni Raffy. Lahat sila dumikit sa akin at hinintay na magsalita ako.
“Malabo. Wala ako’ng chance eh, talagang impossible talaga. But dahil sa crush ko, I did things I’ve never done before like cry at night, hindi makakain, hindi makatulog. Basta palagi siya’ng nasa isipan ko.”
“Sino ba siya?”, “Sino bay an Gab?” tanong ni Kyle at Jay sa akin pero nakangiti lang ako.
“Ako yan Gab no?” Marco said suddenly. Kinabahan ako and I was schocked. Pero ngumiti lang siya at nagtawanan sila. Tumawa na rin ako.
Lumpias ang oras hanggang kailangan na naming pumunta sa school then to the airport para sa departure naming.
******
Touchdown na kami sa Manila at sumakay ng bus patungo Baguio. Sinabihan kami na kailangan daw buddy-buddy system. “Gab! Partner tayo!” Sabi ni Raffy.
“Partner for life? Sige ba!” biro ko naman at ngumiti siya. SHIT talaga ng ngiti nya’ng ‘yan!
Sumakay na kami sa bus at nagtungo na sa Baguio. Sa layo ng Baguio, nagmuni-muni ako and I decided na I want to stop this nonsense, I don’t want to break this friendship because of my pathetic feelings for him. But then again, dahil nga may nararamdaman ako sa kanya na para ba’ng mutual yung feelings, I can’t stop myself. So I decided to take a chance, whether yes or no, napagpasyahan ko na before we leave Baguio, I am going to tell him how I feel. I might break our friendship or I might open new doors to possibilities. But still, I am afraid.
We reached the place where we’ll stay and we were only given a few minutes to drop our things in our rooms before we’ll have our dinner in SM Baguio. Natural, magkakwarto kaming magtropa at pinili ko yung bed pinakalapit sa door. “Ako dito!” sabi naman niya at nilagay ang mga gamit niya sa bed beside mine. Shit naman o! sabi ko sa sarili ko. Ngumiti siya at bumalik na kami sa bus.
******
“Una kayo bumili, hahanap kami ng upuan ni Raffy.” Sabi ko sa mga katropa naming nang naabot na naming ang foodcourt ng SM Baguio. NAkipaghiwalay kami sa ibang grupo at napagpasyahang kumain dito. Nakabili na an gaming mga kaibigan kaya kami na naman ni Raff yang bumili. Pagkatapos kumain, pupunta daw sila sa Starbucks bago pumunta sa bus. “Gab, halika na.” sabi ni Raffy bago tumayo.
“Ayaw ko, dito lang muna ako. May iniisip ako eh.” Sabi ko at pumunta na sila. After some time, I felt hand on my shoulder and before I can even turn, umupo na si Raffy sa chair opposite of me.
“Akala ko magcoffee kayo?”
“Sila lang, hindi ko kasi ma-enjoy ang coffe ko knowing na may kaibigan ako’ng nag-iisa dito.” SHIT kiniliig talaga ako.
“Tanga, ok lang ako.” Sabi ko pero hindi ko matago ang ngiti ko.
“Gab, may problema ba?”
“Wala naman.”
“Ahh ganun.” Tumahimik kaming dalawa at nagtitigan lang.
“Sabihin mo na kasi sa akin crush mo eh!” Sabi niya, leaning towards me and reaching across the table to slap me on the shoulder.
“Ha? Bakit gusto mo’ng malama?” Sabi ko sa kanya. Sa totoo lang matagal na siyang nagtatanong sa akin pero wala naman akong masagot.
“Wala lang, feel ko kasi once I find out, my world will change.” SHIT! Kinilig nanaman ako. He really knows what to say. Nanginginig na ako, I didn’t expect na within our 7 day stay sa Baguio, sa 1st day ko na masabi sa kanya.
“Sige na nga pero wag dito, daming tao eh.”
******
(this is the part where I felt like I was in a movie, everything was perfect, the ambiance, the feeling. Everything)
“Doon tayo sa terrace, mukhang walang tao.” Sabi niya at lumabas kami sa terrace ng SM Baguio at paglabas naming, shit! Ang ganda. The moon was out and the stars were twinkling, there were no people and in the rear part of the terrace, there was a rock garden so we headed there. Nanginginig kaming dalawa pero ako, dala na ng kaba ang panggiginaw ko.
“Sige go na.” sabi niya at tinignan ako sa mata. SHIT.
“Before I tell you, promise me that you will not say anything first, that you will not open your mouth unless I say that I am finish. Understood?” he only nodded.
I took a deep breath and.
“Shit hindi ko talaga masabi.” Tumawa lang siya at sinabihan akong kumalma.
“Sige eto na…” deep breathe…
“AHH ang hirap!” sabi ko.
Tawa naman siya, “ba’t mahirap? Pangalan lang naman ng tao ah.”
“Sige na nga, count 1 to 10.”
“what?”
“just count.” Sabi ko.
“1”
“2”
“3”
“4”
“5”
“6”
“7”
“8”
“9”
Deep breath.
“10” sabi niya.
“I’m a fucking fag because I really fucking like you and I know it’s so fucking unfair because bago lang tayo nagkaclose and maybe this confession might break our friendship but the reason that I’m telling you this is so that you will be disgusted by me and you will stay away from me because no matter what I do I can’t stay away from you.” Sabi ko, out of breath dahil sa bilis at kaba ko. Tumingin lang siya sa akin.
“Ulitin mo pangalan niya, hindi ko narinig.” Sabi niya.
“Fuck you.” Tumayo ako at lumakad patungo sa stairs sa next floor.
“Gab wait!” he grabbed my arm and pulled me to face him, “sino ba?”
“Raffy fuck you.” Iniwan ko siya and I ascended the stairs.
“Gab teka muna. Sino ba?” he stopped me once again.
“Raffy ikaw nga!” tinulak ko siya and quickly ran up the stairs. He stopped for a while but ran after me. He grabbed my arm once again stopping me.
“Gab I am confused.”
“Raffy ako rin. I am so fucking confused so please just leave me alone for a while.” I pulled my arm free and quickly got on the bus. That night, he transferred bed. I silently cried in my sleep.
******
All throughout the stay in Baguio, he stayed away from me and made sure to be extra lambing to the girl nga nililigawan niya. And of course, I tried to put on a happy face but Marco noticed but let me be. On the night before our departure back to Cebu, I sat on the roadside and Kyle joined me, together with Raffy.
“Hoy Gab! May problema ka nanaman! Si crush bay an? ‘tangina Gab, last year na natin to, wag mo muna’ng problemahin yan. Sino ba siya ha?” I just smiled at him.
“Raffy, sino ba to’ng crush at pinagmumukmukan ni Gab ha?” SHIT ang awkward buti nalang tinawag na kami ng teacher para matulog na.
******
Back to school kami at ang awkward talaga. Sobrang awkward, we have no interaction at nahalata ito ng mga classmates namin. “Anong problema nyo?” tanong nila. Sasagot naman kami na wala. Napansin din ng teachers naming ito at parang pinagtutulungan kami, humahanap sila ng paraan upang bumalik ang sigla namin’ng dalawa.
“Okay choose your own partner!” sabi ng Filipino teacher ko. At dahil galing ako tulog at galing siya sa C.R., kaming dalawa nalang ang natirang walang partner. “Ok Gab at Raffy, partner kayo’ng dalawa.” Shit naman oh! Pinagawa kami ng isang poster tungkol sa kultura ar pagkakaisa ng mga Pilipino, ipapalagay sa isang one whole cartolina at pagkatapos ay gumawa ng three page essay tungkol sa theme. Friday noon at and deadline ay sa Monday kaagad. Binigyan kami ng time para makipag-usap sa partner namin during the period. And awkward talaga, tinitignan kami ng mga classmates namin.
“Oh anon a Gab? Ako ang magdrawing tapos ikaw gagawa ng essay? Ok na?” he said, smiling and joking around as if nothing happened.
I glared at him and said, “Please just don’t fucking act that way.” Natahimik siya and he avoided my eyes.
“So ano gagawin natin?” He said, a bit ashamed.
“Kita nalang tayo bukas here sa school and we’ll finish everything.” I proposed.
“I can’t. May importanteng lakad ako with my mom tomorrow eh.” Sabi niya.
“Ok then I’ll finish everything on my own.” Sabi ko at tumayo.
“GAB NAMAN OH!” he shouted and everyone faced us. Umupo ako muli at pinabayaan na kami ng mga classmates naming.
“Ano ba Raffy? Tanga ka siguro ano?”
“Sorry na. Ikaw kasi eh…”
Tahimik at wala kaming imik.
“Ganito nalang, sleepover tayo sa bahay ko bukas. We’ll meet up here at 5:30 in the afternoon ok?”
“Ok.” Wala na ako’ng choice eh.
******
So Saturday, at around 6 p.m., I found myself waiting in our school to have a sleepover (again) sa bahay nila Raffy pero ngayon, kami nalang dalawa. Shit.
“Sorry Gab ha! Natagalan kasi yung lakad naming. Tara na.” Sabi niya at pumunta na kami sa bahay nila. Sila lang dalawa ng nanay niya ang nakatira doon sa bahay nila, malaki ito at talagang maganda. Sa gabi’ng iyon, ginawa naming yung poster sa sala nila. Tahimik kami at tanging t.v. lang ang ingay. His mother moved upstairs to go to bed and both of us we’re still finishing our project.
“Gab-”
“Raffy whatever it is, the night is already very awkward, don’t make it anymore awkward and uncomfortable for the two of us.”
“Um gusto ko lang kunin ‘yung eraser nasa tabi mo.” Sabi niya sabay turo sa eraser gamit ang lips nya. Shit ang cute. Nahiya tuloy ako at inabot yung eraser.
“Loko ka talaga.” He whispered thinking I didn’t hear him.
“Oo, loko nga ako so sorry ha? Sorry if I’m so fucked up.” Bigla ko’ng nasabi at nagsorry naman siya.
“You know what, forget it. Can we just pretend that nothing happened? Let’s forget everything that happened. Please.” Sabi ko at tinignan niya ako. We held each other’s gaze for a long time. And then he smiled that mesmerizing smile of his that takes my breath away.
“What happened between the two of us?” sabi niya, sabay ngiti na naman. Napangiti naman ako. And so parang walang nangyari sa amin at parang magbest friends na kami uli. We talked about things especially about life. This is what I like about him, his mind is so full of mystery and I really like it when he tells me what’s inside his mind. He knows how to play with words and I can’t help but fall in love even more. We talked about life and deep things that night until we finished the project.
******
“May mumu pala dito.” Sabi niya as we entered the guest room, the room where I’ll be sleeping. “Goodluck ha? Tumakbo ka lang sa room across this one, room ko yun!” sabi niya sabay higa sa kama. Humiga na rin ako pero humiga ako sa lower right part while he was at the upper left part. Nagpatuloy ang usapan namin hanggang habang nagkukuwento ako, when I looked at him, he was already asleep.
“Damn you. Damn you talaga Raffy.” Sabi ko at natulog na rin ako (making sure that I slept as far away as possible from him).
At around 2 a.m., I woke up. Laking gulat ko sa position ko; my left arm was across the chest of Raffy and our legs were intertwined. He was lying on his back and I was lying on my side facing him; our heads were very close that my breath was on his cheeks already.
“Shit.” I whispered. I didn’t move. I looked at his face as he slept and stayed that way for a while. His mumbled in his sleep, “Gab.” Sabi niya. Mukhang nanaginip to’ng mokong to ah! Bigla tumagilid yung mukha niya so our faces were inches away from each other; his breath was hot on my face and my breath was hot on his. I looked at him and slowly inched my face closer and closer until our lips touched. I gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. Bumalik naman ang ulo niya sa dating position (facing the ceiling).
“Tama na.” Sabi ko sa sarili ko and slowly lifted my left arm from his chest. Laki’ng gulat ko when he moved both of his arms and took my left arm, hugging it and placing it back on his chest. Laki’ng gulat ko rin nang sinabi niya’ng “Let’s stay like this for a while.”
Shit! Di ko na kaya to. Nanginit yung pakiramdam ko. He opened his eyes and looked at me.
“Gab?”
“Raffy?”
At bigla niya akong hinalikan. Lumayo soya at sinabing “Sorry.”
I only looked at him and pulled his face back to mine and kissed him passionately. At first he refused to open his mouth but he sooner opened it and our tongues were dancing in our mouth like crazy. He took my left arm and guided it sa body nya, he made me touch everything saving the best for last. Pinahipo niya ang malaking bukol niya sa akin pero hindi naman ako nakonteto kaya pinasok ko ang kamay ko sa shorts nya.
“Shit Gab, slowly.” He said while smiling and kissing me. His hands were also all over me and found my hard dick. He slipped his hand inside my boxer and we were kissing and slowly jacking each other off.
“Hirap nito, maghubad na tayo.” He said, getting up and helping me get up too. He was going to take off his shirt but I stopped him. “Let me do it.” Sabi ko and he just smiled at me. I kissed him on the forehead, then on his nose. Kissed him passionately on the lips, on the neck as I slowly lifted his t-shirt. I took his shirt off and he did the same to me.
My hands were all over his chest and his hands were all over mine too as we kissed each other and slowly undressed each other’s boxers. Hubo’t hubad na kami and we stared at each other’s body for a while.
“You are so beautiful.” Sabi niya and he stepped towards me.
“You’re one fucking Greek god yourself.” I whispered and kissed him. We passionately kissed each other and licked each other’s body before I pushed him to the bed.
He was sitting on the edge of the bed and I was kneeling between his legs, his manhood standing 7 inches long, throbbing and rock hard in front of me. I looked at him in the yes first at sabi niya “Grabe ka Gab! You are such a tease. Please naman oh!” sabay tulak ng ari niya patungo sa sara kong bibig. I opened it slowly and licked the head of his dick. “Fucking shit!” sumigaw siya at tumigil.
“Huwag kang ma-ingay. Baka marinig ng nanay mo.” Sabi ko at patuloy na tinitilaan yung ari niya. Panay ang ungol niya and his face of pleasure turned me on, the way he looked at me as I sucked him and the way he bites his lips because of the sensation. Sinubo ko ang ari nya from head to the base at napa ungol siya ng malakas and he moved his hips, “Shit GAB! Lalabasan ako kapag ginawa mo yan!” patuloy ko itong ginagawa hanggang kinuha niya ang ulo ko at naghalikan nanaman kami.
“Now it’s your turn.” Sabi niya sa tenga ko, kasabay ang devilish grin. Pina-upo niya ako sa edge sa bed at diretso niyang sinubo ang ari ko, from head to the base. “SHIT RAFFY! AHHHHHH UUUUUHHHHH! SHIT DAHAN DAHAN!” bigla ako’ng napasigaw. Tiningnan lang niya ako habang sinusubo pa rin ang buong laki ng 7 and a half inch na ari ko. Shit naka turn on talaga ang mukha niya kapag sinusubo yung ari ko. Habang chinuchupa niya ako, busy naman ang kamay nya sa pag-explore sa katawan ko. Nang feeling kong lalabasan na ako, kiuha ko ang mukha niya at naghalikan kami’ng dalawa at humiga sa kama with him on top of me.
Lumayo siya sa kiss naming at bumaliktad yung posisyon nya, chinuchupa nanaman niya ako habang ang tigas nyang ari ay nasa mukha ko na. Chinupa ko rin siya at nag 69 position kami sabay labas pasok ng thumb finger ko sap wet nya. Nabigla siya at first pero nawala na rin. Napansin ko na parang malaki laki ang butas sap wet nya. “nagfifinger ka no?” tanong ko at sinuklian lang niya ako ng masarap na chupa.
“Gab stop, malapit na ako.” Sabi niya at tumayo na siya. Pina-upo niya ako muli at laking gulat ko nang umupo siya sa lap ko facing me. Hinalikan niya ako and whispered, “Gab I love you. Please fuck me.”
Sinagot ko siya sa pamamagitan ng magbasa ng palad ko gamit ang laway and lubricated my dick and his ass with my saliva. I slowly pushed my dick inside his ass at napa-ungol siya nang nasaloob na. “Shit ang laki mo Gab. I can feel your hard dick throbbing inside of me.” Naghalikan kami at dahan dahan na siyang nagtaas baba sa ari ko.
“Fuck Raffy! Shit! Ang warm ng insides mo! AAAHHHH UUHHH AAAAH OOHHHH SHIT FUCK.” Ito nalang ang nasabi ko habang patuloy siya sa pagtaas baba sa ari ko.
“Gab fuck me. I love you Gab. Shit. AAHH OOOHH UUUUH SHIT GAB AND SARAP MO.” Sabi niya. Both of us were already sweating and it added to the pleasurable sensation, our sweaty bodies rubbing together. Binilisan niya ang pagtaas baba at kaming dalawa ay panay ungol nalang. Sinalsal ko ang ari niya habang nagtaas baba pa siya.
“Gab malapit na ako.”
“Ako rin Raffy. Sabay tayo.” Binilisan pa niya ang pagtaas baba at binilisan o rin ang magsalsal ko sa kanya.
“Shit Gab ayan naaa. AYAN NAAAAA!”
“Raffy I love you. SHIT! AHHH UHHH AHHH! SHIT! FUCK AND SARAP MO RAFFY! FUUUUUUUUCK!” naghalikan kaming dalawa para hindi kami makapag-ingay at nilabasan ako sa loob ni Raffy at nilabasan naman siya sa palad ko at sa tiyan naming dalawa. Unti unti’ng humihina ang pagtaas baba niya hangang tumigil na siya at humiga kaming dalawa sa higaan, he’s on top of me, his dick pressed between our stomach and my dick still inside of him.
“I love you Gab.”
“I love you Raffy.”
Naghalikan nanaman kami’ng dalawa at nag-ayos sa C.R. Umandar nanaman ang kalibogan naming at nag-isang round pa sa shower. Natulog kami ng walang saplot at yakap ang isa’t isa.
******
Hindi na na-ulit pa ang experience na iyon sa ami’ng dalawa. In fact after that experience, we slowly drifted away from each other. We didn’t talk about what will happen to us but we lived our separate lives. It hurts me every time I see him with my friend (yung nililigawan niya, parang gf na ata niya) at para ba’ng he’s being sweet to her in purpose kapa’g I’m around. Until now, I still like him and I don’t know if the feeling is mutual. Basta nalaman ko lang isang araw from our close mutual friend na nag-admit daw si Raffy sa kanya na bi siya. Wala na ako’ng pake pero parang nasiyahan naman ako. Sa school, hindi na kami masyadong close pero from time to time, we spend time with each other. I am slowly keeping my distance from him, I don’t want to expect and get hurt kasi eh. But I hate him because he does these things tha makes me think nga he likes me too and that I have a chance. Isang araw nga, he just turned to me suddenly and said, “Gab… I love you but…” hindi na niya natapos ang sasabihin niya dahil nasaktan na ang puso ko sa “but” nya at sa mga ginagawa niya’ng mukhang pagpaasa sa akin.
I don’t know what the future holds for the two of us. All I know is that we will be taking the same course in college in the same university and it seems nga matagal pa kami’ng magkasama. Let’s just see what happened. Que sera sera.
ganda ng pagkakagawa! Ubra:D
ReplyDeleteLayket
-mik2
hahaha thank you, mas maganda talaga kung totoong nangyri eh, mas ma express yung emotions :)
DeleteBroamcne gyud! You're from Sacred Heart School, right
ReplyDelete?
lol nope, not from Sacred Heart but in another well known school sa cebu hahaha
DeleteI wish I had the courage to confront my best friend years ago. We sucked off each other's dicks a few times yet we still call ourselves "straight". We had pet names, texted each other every night, said a couple of I love you's to each other and he was technically my last dance sa prom namin. If only I had the balls ( I do have a great set, mind you). My advice? Talk to him if he's bi, then maybe you can compromise, kung may girlfriend siya then why not be his boyfriend? I'm not judging you but I don't think you're the type that'll feel guilty sa ganitong arrangement. Though I think you'd like him to be all for yourself and whatever the outcome don't be a bitch about it, if possible remain friends. Do it now, time is running out. Baka mamaya bigla na lang mawalan kayo ng communication at magising ka na lang na 20 yrs old ka na pero hindi ka pa rin maka-commit sa relationships dahil wala ka pa ring closure sa best friend mo na mukhang masaya na sa buhay niya. Hindi mo gustong matulad sakin na may malaking "What if?" na agad sa deathbed. Well that's another story. Good luck!
ReplyDelete-Ian
the problem, I can't talk to him. he keeps on avoiding me -_-
DeleteSurprise him. Go to his house, kilala ka naman siguro ng mom niya di ba? Kailangang ma-corner mo siya haha. You've gone a long way pass the point of no return, andiyan ka na rin lang e di sulitin mo na :)
DeleteGusto kita makilala ^ =)
DeleteGusto ko muna makapag-move on :)
DeleteWith what you both did is already a big shot that he likes you to0!naman!sana maging kayo!
ReplyDeletejan,davao
Haiz, best friend thing are crazy shit almost all stories are at the extremes. either you ending up together or ending up on separate ways.. but since you both at a parallel feelings why not.. take risk.. mainlove, masaktan, at hayaan mong magkamali para matoto at mas tumatag.. ganun naman ang buhay, take the pleasure to live life to its fulliest.
ReplyDelete-blizz- davao
i hate goodbyes but if that would make things right then i will embrance it.
ReplyDeleteTawag jan friendzone!!!
ReplyDeleteMasakit talaga yan. I've been there. :/
What we want is just a decent love (with lust haha), yu'n nga lang sa kaperahas na kasarian.
ReplyDeleteTelling us you're 70-30, believe me dude you're about to cross the line. All yoy need is acceptance.
Mahirap talagang maging closeted bi/gay, mostly if conservative Christian ang family.
Well, good luck.
-Marx, Calapan
yeah, why can't we have what other people have? we're no different than them, except nga we're attracted to the same sex :/ and yep, I think I've crossed the line hahahaha you have no idea, i think my family is homophobic :/
DeleteMarx, are you from Calapan Or, Mindoro?
ReplyDeleteYep Mr. Why?
DeleteAfter reading the story and comments.. Emeged! NOSEBLEED!
ReplyDelete-din.xD
My ghaad! Experiencing almost the same situation, the difference is I'm still a coward to tell him my feelings. Nakarelate naman ako masyado dun sa "...he does these things that makes me think that he likes me too and I have a chance." Sorry kung medyo bitter but I think you have done the best decision. Thank you for making me teary-eye tonight. ;)
ReplyDeleteJV from Manila
it's not easy naman talaga telling someone you like them, it takes time :/ hahah you're welcome :)
DeleteTaga UST ka JV? :)
DeleteUhmm nope. ;) -JV
DeleteAt Gab, Sabay tayo mag move-on ahh! -JV
Deletesige ba! let's do this! to greener pastures!
Deletehahaha thank you :) i lab you too hahah sige kita nalang bi :( hahaha
ReplyDeletevery well said Gab... you wrote the story well..
ReplyDeletemind if i ask what school sa cebu ka?
are you in college already??
daghan raba daw itsuraan sa cebu ana sila.. :D
-nikkon
thank you :) I just graduated from USC then I'll be in college this coming june. Daghan bitaw, apil ko ana nila ;) hahahahahaha
DeleteI also graduated in USC North Campus, but i don't have that kind of story, so super jealous ako.. :)
Deletesiguro pud kay half spanish man kaya ka.. :D
Deletewow..good luck sa imong college life dong..
you'll now bw exposed to the real world..
-nikkon
I graduated from USC North Campus 6 years ago. Took up BS Accountancy at USC Main Campus and graduated last year. Had the same story, difference is I wasn't able to tell him my feelings until we took and passed the CPA board exams. But it isn't too late for both of us. Now that we are already working, we just started to date each other. Que sera sera.
Deletedamn, congratulations! :) I hope things will get better for me too
DeleteIt's very rare nowadays to read interesting (and nice) stories such as this. When I was reading your story, I felt like I was the one who wrote this. I feel you bro. We're exactly on the same situation. Let us not give up. Let's fight for what/who we love. :)
ReplyDelete- Ryan, Laguna
hahaha thanks :) there's always hope :D
Deletesuch a great story Gab!
ReplyDeletehoping for the very best thing to happen to the both of you :)
can't wait sa continuation ng story nyo!
:))
M,pangasinan
thank you :) naaah, I doubt that there's more to our story :/
DeleteI hope my courage to tell also that I love him is like yours, Gab.
ReplyDeleteNice story btw.
thank you :) don't rush things and don't push yourself. it takes time, a lot of thinking and the right moment
DeleteI want to forget this feeling, but I can't. Hindi ko na talaga alam ang gagawin ko. Kapag kasama ko siya o magkakadikit lang balat namin, it feels like heaven. Like i dont wanna end that moment. One time sa isang gathering sa campus na kailangang matulog dun, and magkatabi kami ng higaan, muntik ko nang masabi sa kanya(kasi nga tulog). Mabuti napigil ko sarili ko.
DeleteBtw, im Naix_0431, the one who commented the 'i hope my courage is like yours...'
I felt your pain, Gab. Hindi ko naranasan na magkaroon ng bestfriend intimacy pero you articulated it very well kaya naramdaman ko talaga.
ReplyDeleteRaffy is an opportunist, in the sense na nandiyan siya hanggat may makukuha siyang gain like pagmamahal, care and attention. Pinapaasa ka lang niya through giving motives and condtions dahil masaya siya sa ganun. While on the other hand, ikaw Gab ang npapahirapan,. I hate Raffy for that. emotional and sexual opportunism.
Gab, let's talk? you deserve someone better.
yeah, I felt that way for him. I was angry at him because I realized that but then the anger didn't last long and I hate myself for that. It's like I know that it's bad for me but I feel like I'd rather have that pain from him than have something good from someone else. screw me -_- yeah sure why not :)
Delete"I'd rather have that pain from him than have something good from someone else."
Delete- nasasabi mo lang iyan. The best thing to do is, first, attain recognition. Recognize the fact that you two cannot be and will never be. Derive such realization from all your experiences from him. Recognize that this is where you are better off- forgetting and moving forward.
Second, find the necessity. Necessity to regain your strength, necessity to build yourself up after the trials. Catch lessons from your past. Evaluate your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to handling relationships. 'Yun lang. :))
Bakit ba nararamdaman ko na mabuti kang tao, Gab? Gaan sa loob. totoo ba hehe
yeah, I'm trying to erase him (lol) and I think naman na it's working. I keep on telling myself na I deserve better and there's someone out there for me. Even my friends nga, they are a big help. And you are too hahaha :)
DeleteTama ya'ng nararamdaman mo! hahahahaha
haha in fairness naman sa akin, inaabangan ko talaga mga reply sa comment.
Deletehmmm
gusto kita makilala Gab, paano kaya?
hahaha in fairness sa iyo talaga hahahahaha i dunno lol
Deleteinfairness din sa iyo, ikaw rin eh haha nag-aantabay ka rin sa mga comments :P hihi
Deletehmm, tell me pag nandito ka na sa Manila. haha pupuntahan kita sa school mo, sana sa UP ka para makita kita parati hahahaha
sa mga nag-advise na ipursue ni gab si raffy, I tell you this, you are all wrong.
ReplyDeleteWhy would you let him suffer the same treatment?
Sorry, I'm just pissed off dahil hindi deserve ng isang tao na mapagsamantalahan ang kalooban. That is stepping on one's right.
T_T
I am touched dahil may mga concerned sa akin :') thank you and yeah, I don't think I can keep on holding on to him
DeleteI think clearing things up and pursuing someone are two very different things. If "Raffy" doesn't want to be with Gab then it's his lost. Believe me, ang hirap manghula kung meron ba o wala, kung oo ba o hindi mas mabuti na yung may closure ka di ba? :)
DeleteI agree with the one na nagsabi na mag-usap dapat kayo. I feel that "raffy" cant accept the fact na he is also bi (even if he admit it with one of your mutual friend) because he kept avoiding you Mr. Author. Mas maganda before you two start college eh magkaliwanagan na para both of you will move on. And tama yung nagsuggest na cornerin mo sya sa bahay nila, a surprise visit, para siguradong hindi sya makakaavoid sayo.
ReplyDeleteGanda ng pagkasulat ng istorya. hnd magulo at sarap basahin.
ReplyDeleteGood job!
cebu rin ako ngayon. Gala tayo minsan gab. :)
thank you :) haha sure why not? hahaha
Deletesalamat nmn.
DeleteWait. Paano tayo magkikita? :D
umm I dunno :/ hahaha
DeleteI salute you Gab for sharing your story here and for telling Raffy what you really feel for him knowing that there'll be no assurance if you'll be as one at the end or not. For now, just wait for Raffy to cool down then maybe that's the right time for you to talk to him again and make things clear case you already started your move. Don't waste it and don't hurry, just trust the process.
ReplyDeleteBut by the way, I'm hoping to meet you soon and hope we'll become a close and good friend. Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you from San Carlos? :)
- Cebu
- Nineteen
thank you :) yeah but I don't think I can keep on holding on to him and expect something from him; my world doesn't rotate around him and if I allow it to happen, I might miss the good things that are happening around me :/ so yeah, let go and let God nalang :) hahaha
Deleteit'd be great to make new friends, why not :D yes I just graduated from San Carlos and since I've been there for 12 years, I'm spending college in another school :( hahahaha
It’s great to hear those words from you, from being fucked up cause of what you confess to him to being optimistic. I know there are lots of great things that could possibly happen if you’ll open your door to new things and maybe you’ll find a better Raffy at the end who you can be friends with or maybe boyfriend? Hahaha. Who you can open up what you feel for, how was your day or even hanging out with him or cuddle with. Explore new things, we just don’t know what fate’s plan for us.
DeleteSo you’re about to go college this opening? Hope you’ll take medical course and see you at the school where I am in now. Hahahahaha. Hoping we’ll become friends someday from being a total stranger.
Sorry, the reply should be here, not the one I accidentally post below. Hehe.
right-o! my favorite Bible verse is Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, look it up. "Everything has it's time".
DeleteYES I AM ACTUALLY ENROLLING IN A MEDICAL SCHOOL hahahahaha
Will look it up in a bit. By the way, I don't know why but I have this feeling of excitement when you said you're enrolling now in a medical school. Hahahaha. Hoping to se you soon. Well, I don't know, but I'm happy talking with you. I want to talk to you in private but I don't know how. I don't have the courage to post my number here cause it's too public. But gaaaad, hoping we're just in the same school. Hahaha.
DeleteIt's great to hear those words from you, from being fucked up cause of what you confess to him to being optimistic. I know there are lots of great things that could possibly happen if you'll open your door to new things and maybe you'll find a better Raffy at the end who you can be friends with or maybe boyfriend? Hahaha. Who you can open up what you feel for, how was your day or even hanging out with him or cuddle with. Explore new things, we just don't know what fate's plan for us.
ReplyDeleteSo you're about to go college this opening? Hope you'll take medical course and see you at the school where I am in now. Hahahahaha. Hoping we'll become friends someday from being a total stranger.
Hi gab! The things you said here happened to me exactly the way it happened to you except (1) the sex part cus Ive never indulged myself into one and (2) me admitting my real thing for him. Parang ako nga ang nagauthor nito kasi even the feelings, how i reacted on things pareho. I had this romantic attraction towards Kev (not his real name) 2 years ago. But we were friends since 2007 dahil we were also classmates. Until now, I have not completely moved on. With the way he stared at me, sure ako gusto niya ako. There was this one time nga that we conversed deeply about love and life, we were both giving hints about who we want but never said who really it was. At dahil bilang takot at torpe kami pareho, walang nangyari -nganga. We parted ways after high school but i still get to meet him once in a while. Ive been in hetero relationships but still it was him. I always try to move on. Halos nakalimutan ko na nga siya eh pero tuwing magkikita kami, bumabalik lahat. Ayaw ko na pero wala akong magawa. :(
ReplyDelete-Kiel, 19
it's great that someone feels the same, though not really THAT great since it hurts and it sucks :( but daaaamn, it's just so hard when the person you like is the person who means the most to you; like would you rather trade your friendship for something much more? or would you risk telling them and then losing them forever? sigh :(
DeleteVery nice story Gab! It's love, not sex (if u know what i mean). I hope maadmit ko rin sa close friend ko the feelings I have for him. He's studying in Mapua (and coincidentally, Gab din name nya). Ako sa UP Diliman. So kahit yata maadmit ko sa kanya, wala rin :( Masarap ba feeling when nasabi mo na gusto mong sabihin?
ReplyDelete-Carl, 17
thank you :) wel at first it was nice since a burden was lifted from my shoulders but then eventually when real shit happens, when life happens, it makes you think whether it was the right thing to do or not. But then you grow out of it and then you will feel really great even though things won't happen the way you want them to happen. You will feel much better and things will start change; for good and for bad but it's all worth it :)
DeleteWow. Ganda ng story! Medyo relate. Pero di nangyari yung TOUCH amp -__-sayang, Bestfriend </3
ReplyDelete- chucks, 18
hahaha thanks :D di ko nga rin inakala na mangyari yun pero nangyari eh :/ yep, best friend <//3 :(
DeleteI've been in that situation na rin. Pero until now very fresh pa rin ang memories sa akin but I guess in God's time my wounds and I hope yours will completely heal. Tiwala lang. God bless. Gab!
ReplyDeletethank you! and we'll get through this Harley! Better things are in store for us :D
DeleteUntil now may hang-over pa rin ako ng story mo. It reminded so much of my own and my favorite part of your story was when Gab said "let's stay like this for a while"while holding your hands. Kilig much. :)
Deletegreat job for d author!!! parng na remember ko tuloy ung crush ko dn na at d same time BESTFRIEND ko dn. anhirap talga pg gnito situation. and to think na his gvng u more reasons to like him.. but at d end of d day, wla bestfriend pa dn.. thats y i never had a chance to admit evrything ksi baka masira frndship namin.. and after a while dumistansya dn ako as if d ko xa nakikita... :(
ReplyDeletethank you :D yeah, this kind of love is probably the worst and the hardest :/ there's just too much to lose
DeleteNice story! Ang ganda! I feel you. Naranasan ko na rin yan sa best friend ko. Nilayuan niya ako almost half a year at wala kaming communication. Pero now, we're good friends na. Ewan ko sa kanya pero lumapit siya sa akin ajd yun naging mag friends ulit kami. Haha.
ReplyDeleteLet's hang-out sometime Gab. Just a small talk. Hahaha.
-CCM. :)
thank you :D sure why not
DeleteMedyo nakakarelate ako. Daddy ko spanish, kaya may dugong spanish din ako XD. Akala ko straight din ako nung una. Kaya lang nahulog ako sa same sex ko unexpectedly, pagtapos ko ma-broken hearted sa babae nun, good thing was bi siya. Kaya lang may nakaraan siya, halos katulad ng katulad ng sayo kaya nahihirapan din ako. Parang di siya makalimot, pero sobrang mahalaga daw ako sa kanya, ramdam ko naman kaya lang mas mahalaga pa din sa kanya yung USER na past niya. Hirap ng may kahati. Minsan di ko maiwasan di masaktan, kaya ngayon plano ko mag move on. Sayang kagwapuhan kung magpapakatanga lang eh dami pang naghahabol at nakapila XD haha
ReplyDeleteNice story nga pala dude. Medyo malungkot lang kasi bakit kailangan pang magkaron sa mundo ng mga taong manggagamit lang? Pero sabi nga nila "life must go on" makakalimutan mo din siya. Yung mga ganyan tao di worth it mahalin.
-KR
17 yrs. old
thank you :) oo nga, selfish people. But life comes with them, we gotta toughen up and keep on fighting :D
DeleteWelcome :) yeah, tsaka yan lang naman choice natin eh XD. Sana okay ka na ngayon. :)
Delete-KR
can't really say I'm ok but I'm trying :D
Delete..himu tag pang post dre tor..haha
ReplyDeleteI give it 100000000 star. Best story :) nakarelate ako sa background ni gab
ReplyDeletethank youuuuuuu :')
Deletehahahaha ataya pwede ra sad ;) hahahahaha
ReplyDeleteGanda ng story. Da best sa lhat ng naipost dito.
ReplyDelete- Jim, 19
thank you :D
DeleteIt is really not my thing to leave some comments on the stories I've read, but I just can't help it.. and I'm overjoyed I did my first (get rid of greens xD) to a co-cebuano. PAKPAK MGA SUGBUANON!! ARIBA! ARIBA! XDD :D
ReplyDeleteCan't totally relate to the story for I've never had any best friends, but to have this indescribable feeling after reading the last word which put an end to this story, I was left saying, "now there's my man..good to know I was never alone on this supposedly-not-tolerated-but-accepted track I'm dreadfully taking."
P.S. Magpanovena ko Santo Nino para makakita kog bestfriend parehang Gab. Kuyog ka Gab? HAHA xD
^-^ J.C.
PAK! MAGSAULO TA! hahahaha thank you :)
DeletePS: na, managkot ta ni Sto. Nino
Nah! Nus.a man? HAHA Mamugos ko Sto.Nino.. kung di gani ihatag parehas nimo, hangyo.. ikaw nalang? HAHA XD
Delete^-^ J.C.
Pugson gyud nato para matinuod hahahaha feel nako mas effective kung Sinulog hahahaha dugaya pa x)
Deletehi gab. just read your story, and so far, after reading thousands or i guess millions of stories here sa KM, imoha pa ang pinaka-nindot in terms of plot arrangement and, surely, grammar. Sorry but i underestimated the stories written by high school guys here, pero yours, awesome. hey! same school ta haha but i graduated 4 years ago. btw, from what campus ka? 2 campuses are offering HS man. hehe, im proud 'cause your work, in a way, reflects the training we got from our school. astig jud kaayo sa story writing. hehehe. hope to read more of your stories. all the best sa college life. if you studied there for 12 years, then congrats sa loyalty award! heheh txt2 nya ta. i can sense you're a good guy. ;)
ReplyDeletethank you! :) hahaha I came form North Campus, Boys High sauna. sure why not hahah good guy bitaw ko. ka-batch mo ni Laurel or before pa gyud niya? corps ninyo si lora or luciano? hahaha
Deletenono. im from the other campus. all girls before. so far wa pa jud koy schoolmates na nakadiscover ani na awesome blog. heheh. nevertheless we're still schoolmates? hahaha some of our teachers transferred man to your campus. i don't know why. haha. anyways, what's your num? we can be good friends. so how are you after what happened?
DeleteFrom a year of reading Here on this Site..
ReplyDeleteThis is the most meaningful story i read..
i can relate about a guy's eyes.~ (actually, same weakness here)
the formations of paragraphs to the assimilation of words
it's really saying that.. you really loved writing this
story down.. from the start to the end..
I Loved it .. i can relate to it.. good work
And me too~ Hoping that my Crush notices me~
even though we actually talk to each other everyday...
KUDOS ~Poky~
I'm the kind of guy who shy away because I am not vocal with my feelings towards other people. And it hurts sometimes when you know they have someone already. But what hurts the most is you can't tell him just how you feel and care for him.
ReplyDeleteBrian, Cebu
Reminds me of baguio. Very romantic.
ReplyDeleteJust enjoy your life. Love sucks I tell you.
Very very good story. Wise use of words and emotions. =))) and about the story, I may not know how it really feels since I've never been in that kind of situation. I don't have a bestfriend nor some friends. Lol but really, I felt the pain reading this. Kudos to you, Gab. Never give up on love. :))
ReplyDeleteIt will be my pleasure to befriend with you. Only if you don't mind. :)
-CJ
I just recently found this blog but I have already read many stories. And as far as what I've read as of now, I can say your work is the best. You jusy didn't pay attention to the erotic which is what most readers are after. You made me feel the emotions and left me teary-eyed. Astig talaga! I don't know if it is all true, but as an advice, do what your heart wants to do. Wag kang magaya sakin. Lol I salute you sa pagsabi sa kanya ng true feeling mo. Ramdam ko si Raffy. Pareho siguro kaming hindi matanggap na ganito orientation namin. Maybe I need some time para mhanap ko sarili ko. I want to know what will happen to you in the future bro!=)) Sana macontact mo ako for updates. Lol Iwill reread it again soon. Job well done!
ReplyDeleteJon, Laguna
Shit! I Feel you bro. Naiyak ako dito, siguro dahil ganito rin yung nafifeel ko. Sana maging kayo :)
ReplyDeletenice story
ReplyDeleteearl, cebu
Tsk sayang naman. Lol ganun din ang naramdaman sakin ng bestfriend ko when nag karoon kami ng intervention nag kaaminan kami pero too late na im all ready in a relationship na.Tsk gawa ka ng paraan habang maaga pa na maging kayo.
ReplyDeletei never knew romance but thru ur writing i felt like ive also experienced it. the best story ive read so far. i wud wish for a 'gab' n my life. thank u for sharing. good job.
ReplyDeletefight for your love is all i can say. look for signs and when you found it take a risk with it. At ngayonn same course same college pa kayo. there is a huge probability na magkaayos kayo at magimprove ang relationship niyo. But first face your darkness. dont look down on yourself and be who you really are. Be confident for your self. kung wala talaga marami pang tao ang magmamahal sayo ng lubusan. bata ka pa you will experience it all.
ReplyDeleteYou're not really from cebu, are you? You are from Olongapo :) Columban college ang school niyo. Raffy's real name has the initials RR. And the Baguio thing is not really a place where you had your quizbees and stuffs but it is where you and Raffy are studying for college :D The girl you are referring has the initials DP. I hope Im right ;)
ReplyDelete